Memories

Although the time when Marsha was dying from cancer was filled with many activities related to her illness, it was also a time when we talked about the things we had done, and the places we had been, and the people we knew. We talked about a variety of memories from the forty five years we were together. Today I still reflect on those memories and many more as I go through this time without her physical presence. Sometimes I catch myself smiling and sometimes it is weeping even though the memories are happy ones. Some people act as though sadness is a curse or certainly something to be avoided at all cost. I find I am most sad when I am remembering the very best things about Marsha or the very best times we spent together, or the most important challenges she brought to my life. The only way to avoid the weeping and sadness would be by avoiding the memories. The memories, however, are what I cherish and hold close. I will take all the sad signs of grieving because they occur at the same time that I am remembering my love for Marsha and her love for me. Denial of my emotions would mean denial of the best memories of my life. Today was a little bit of cleaning day. I can't clean the house without seeing all Marsha's things. I can even picture where we got most of them. Last week when I ate at Dave & Pat's house, Pat served the meal on the dishes Marsha gave her when we left Taunton. It reminded me of Marsha, but also of the wonderful trip we had taken for a few days away in Mystic Connecticut. Marsha had wanted some china dishes and we found that complete set in a little shop on Main St. in Mystic. I thought about that trip for days after as first one thing then another came back about how we spent the time, and how much we enjoyed each others company for those few days. I smiled sometimes and I wept at others but I cherished the memories. I wouldn't give that up for anything.