Thursday, March 11, 2010

Enough Time

In Ron Greiser's sermon last Sunday one important part was that time is short. During bible study this morning one small focus was that we only have this moment, the present. So many times we live as if we have more than enough time only to end up in these situations where we are convinced we did not have enough time. It's never about enough time, because it's only time. It is a sequential series of moments of indeterminate length and all I have is each moment as it comes. The truth is I had enough time with Marsha. I may regret how I used some of it, but I had enough time. Would I have used the moments I had with Marsha any more wisely if there had been more of them? Did my use the actual moments suggest I would have done better with more of them? At times I look at our plans that never happened and I have regrets. We had so many things we were going to do. Then I think again. What moments as we spent them should we have given up in order to do the things we missed? You know, we made our choices because of what we valued. We had more then enough money to do things we really thought important and God never made Marsha work harder than any ten teachers I knew. Or God never made me work 60 and 70 hour weeks. Those were our choices and when it came to Marsha and I having time or my going out to a hospital or having an extra commitment, it was Marsha who pushed me out the door sometimes forsaking her own plans for me. It was my decision to sometimes cook dinner and take on more things in my life as I watched Marsha spend hours correcting papers. I loved her being the best teacher and she supported all I did with the same sacrificial dedication. You see we did what we thought was most important and that left some other things out. Maybe looking back I would have done some things differently because I now also see the results, but I didn't have the benefit of seeing the results when I made my choices. I thought in that moment I was making the best choice. Regret is living with history, and fantasy is is useless until we pick it in the moment. Marsha and I had enough time. We used every minute. The time was full all twenty four hours of every day. More time was not available to me or anyone else. My regrets are really few compared to what for both of us was a life with a lot of meaning and satisfaction and contentment. But discussions of time are most important when we see time as limited as if we have to grab all we get out of some limited pool. But Marsha and I saw time differently. You see all of that discussion is only important if you remove Marsha from eternity. Marsha really has not run out of time and neither have I. Time always moves on.

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