This was the day of the last kiss. We didn't expect things to happen quickly from what the hospice nurse had said, and Marsha had help with the family that was there so I think I went to church in the morning. Marsha did not like for me to stay home because of her and she had made that plain over and over. With Marsha God came first then family. The rest of the day has a kind of vagueness to it. As far as my life was concerned it was another day of taking care of Marsha and that had become a routine part of my life. Family was in the house and Dave & Pat a little bit but nothing unusual was happening. The most important part of the day from my point of view was that Marsha talked with Cassandra who was still in Maine on the phone. She also spoke with Laura who was in Wisconsin but Laura had been here for a week so that was not the same as Cassie. I think Cassie was the last piece of Marsha's to do list. It was emotional for all who heard her saying goodbye to Cassie and once more expressing her love for her. I know Marsha and I were never sure how well Cassie knew that we loved her exactly the same as we loved the others. Marsha wanted her to know that in the worst way and yet she doubted that Cassie really understood, so this was an important good bye from Marsha's standpoint. I didn't know until this summer that Marsha had the same conversation later that day with both my son and my daughter. In both cases Marsha asked, "Is there anything I need to do for you before I go?". I both cases the answer was no nothing. My son said a little later that evening that he thought she was going to go that night and I didn't know why, but it was because of that conversation. She knew I was ready when she was, but she needed to check with her kids. Marsha had settled earlier that night than the rest of us. I kissed her goodnight for the last time not knowing it was going to be the last time. She was sick and she was tired so it was a quick peck of a kiss not the kind you want to remember as saying goodbye to a lifelong lover. I would have gotten into bed and held her and kissed her if I had known but I didn't. I have so may pictures like the one above. It seemed like a lot of people would catch us kissing in one place or another, and I loved to kiss my Marsha, but the last kiss, I wish I had known.
Monday, March 22, 2010
March 22nd
This was the day of the last kiss. We didn't expect things to happen quickly from what the hospice nurse had said, and Marsha had help with the family that was there so I think I went to church in the morning. Marsha did not like for me to stay home because of her and she had made that plain over and over. With Marsha God came first then family. The rest of the day has a kind of vagueness to it. As far as my life was concerned it was another day of taking care of Marsha and that had become a routine part of my life. Family was in the house and Dave & Pat a little bit but nothing unusual was happening. The most important part of the day from my point of view was that Marsha talked with Cassandra who was still in Maine on the phone. She also spoke with Laura who was in Wisconsin but Laura had been here for a week so that was not the same as Cassie. I think Cassie was the last piece of Marsha's to do list. It was emotional for all who heard her saying goodbye to Cassie and once more expressing her love for her. I know Marsha and I were never sure how well Cassie knew that we loved her exactly the same as we loved the others. Marsha wanted her to know that in the worst way and yet she doubted that Cassie really understood, so this was an important good bye from Marsha's standpoint. I didn't know until this summer that Marsha had the same conversation later that day with both my son and my daughter. In both cases Marsha asked, "Is there anything I need to do for you before I go?". I both cases the answer was no nothing. My son said a little later that evening that he thought she was going to go that night and I didn't know why, but it was because of that conversation. She knew I was ready when she was, but she needed to check with her kids. Marsha had settled earlier that night than the rest of us. I kissed her goodnight for the last time not knowing it was going to be the last time. She was sick and she was tired so it was a quick peck of a kiss not the kind you want to remember as saying goodbye to a lifelong lover. I would have gotten into bed and held her and kissed her if I had known but I didn't. I have so may pictures like the one above. It seemed like a lot of people would catch us kissing in one place or another, and I loved to kiss my Marsha, but the last kiss, I wish I had known.
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