What God Wants

We are in that strange season when we should have the greatest clues as to what will be best for us and best for others, and at the same time what God seeks for us.  However I think many of us miss the point. We give without much thought, and to often receive without gratitude. The pictures are from the Ingathering at the Church of the Resurrection last night. You can see the huge number of plastic containers. each one full of gifts for poor children and adults. I know the generosity represented and it is huge. A realistic estimate of the value of these gifts would be $70,000. The gifts are waiting in the church to be blessed and sent. You can see the picture of the rector Rev. Ron Greiser and the young people with hands raised pouring out God's blessing upon the gifts which very soon will be loaded on trucks to be distributed to the needy in the area mostly off the island which is Myrtle Beach. God wants us to respond to the blessings he has poured out in our lives by using some of those blessings to bless others. I don't know about you, but among my happiest moments are the times when I gave the perfect gift to someone I love. I like the saying in the Prayer of St. Francis that says. "It is in giving that we receive." I also cherish the moments when I am given a gift that shows a real knowledge of who I am and what will bring joy to my life. Often the best gifts are the words said from the heart, not an item purchased, because I already have all the things that I need. I am definitely not one of the needy. Can we, like our Lord, become supreme givers. It really is what will make us happy and what will make God happy at the same time. Tell someone why you love them. Help them see themselves as you see them. That would be a Merry Christmas wouldn't it?

Wandering

I've spent a week wandering. Not without a purpose but definitely wandering. No single leg of my journey was that long but the total was probably around 1700 miles. I had a wonderful time with my daughter and her family for Thanksgiving. It reminded me of so many times when I have been part of a full table masterpiece and a holiday with highlights at every turn. I always love to be with my children not to mention always having loved to be with my grandchildren, now my grandadults.  It has always been a surprise that although I can be a very quiet person, and people may think I am uncomfortable with lots of people, it is really my place of choice.  Thanksgiving was another one of those times.
The time was full and busy, the food was great, and the company excellent, but I needed to make the second leg of the triangle to Sarasota Florida.  I spent time with my mom, my nephew Scott and his family, did some yard work and one round of golf all of which were nice, but the best for me was the beach. Two days of sun bathing and swimming at Siesta Key Beach. This beach is so wide and flat and immaculately groomed with the purest white sand. I thought it was clever for this white white sand to be fashioned into the head of a snowman. It's been cool enough here at MB so my beach time is only a walk, not a swim, and I do love the swim.  My next journey was to Orlando where I had dinner with a high school classmate. I had some extra time before we met so I went to Downtown Disney. I thought it would be an entertaining place without the need to spend money. I thought I could browse and observe and find fun that wasn't price sensitive, but I was wrong. For one I wasn't paying $18 dollars to rise up and look down on Downtown Disney even if Mary Poppins might be along for the ride.  It was a nice time of reconnecting with someone who was very important in my life, as we just ate and stalled in a deli and talked for a few hours before I had to hit the road again for the last leg of my wanderings. It was a windy trip up the coast to home but I decided to take the trip straight through arriving home at 2 AM.  A holiday season with rewards at every turn, but I'm glad to be home.

Cooking

My son started me thinking about cooking today, although I had watched my daughter cooking in her kitchen yesterday. He wrote on Facebook about cooking for Thanksgiving and I responded that he was a good cook and had the same ease in the kitchen as his mom and Meme'. I was thinking about Merrie and Dana and Will and Ken and even myself who have the same ease around the kitchen. I love to cook and I'm not bad either. I loved working with Marsha to entertain and it was almost like a dance the way we could work together later in our marriage. All of Marsha's family knows how to have good food and how to entertain although I'm not sure the others enjoy doing it as much, but they still do a great job. It's been a long time since the real big family gatherings, but they are some of my best memories. Tomorrow we will have a full day with favorite snack food and the Macy's Parade followed by some Patriots football before we head off to see Harry Potter and then back for dinner. It will probably be the closest thing to the old big family holidays that I've had in a while. We are having a Turducken here for the first time, but no matter what I know I will enjoy the day. I have so much to give thanks for.

Travel Again

I will be in the fast lane again next week. Off to Georgia and then Florida before heading back to the home I love seen in the picture. I love my home but I also love to drive and I love to visit. I haven't seen my Florida grandadults since last summer for one and last winter for the other. The holidays are always best when shared with family and I will enjoy this one especially. My daughter and son in law, the two grandadults and each with a significant other makes the gang all there. Thanksgiving at the Georgia home is filled with traditions from morning to night. I think the new Harry Potter is involved this time.I will then be off on leg two of the travels to visit my mother in Sarasota,  Florida. A few days of catching up with her with a visit. I hope most if not all of her leaves are down when I get there so I can bag them and get them to the street for the development folks to take away. If all goes well I hope to be able to have time to meet with a high school friend during the journey.
I will be back in MB by Wednesday night December 1st in time to lead worship at church Thursday morning. By then the house in the picture will look even better to me than it does now, but I will have had a great holiday week in the meantime. Second time around on these holidays, and I will be spending Christmas day by myself. Did I tell you I love to drive?

Thanksgiving

I really like Thanksgiving. I grew up in the town next to Plymouth MA and spent a lot of time in Plymouth. As teachers Plymouth Plantation, which is the reenactment of the original Pilgrim community, was a frequent destination. I did learn some of the history that is real and some of the story that is legend, but in principle I love the reality of their gratitude to God for their survival. I also have a special draw to this because I have been shown my whole life my own lineage to the Mayflower and that first community. All in all many things kind of compel me to treasure this holiday, but most of all because I think we Americans lack gratitude. Our culture leads us to want more and better all the time and being thankful for what we have is not readily on our minds and lips. On Facebook over the past weeks some of my friends have taken the challenge of writing something that they are thankful for each day. Many started few have kept it up. In some of my parishes the silences during the prayers of the people were often filled with loud vocal contributions when it came to prayers for the church, the government, justice and personal needs, but were noticeably silent when it came to the section for thanksgivings. Perhaps it is time to revisit the concept behind another of our big holidays. Gratitude, a great idea waiting for action.

Solitude

I recently returned from the Diocese of South Carolina clergy retreat at Camp St. Christopher on Seabrook Island just south of Charleston. Bishop Lawrence structured the first evening and the next morning around four meditations and the experience of silence and solitude. After the meditations we were sent off to any place we chose to be alone with the topic and our Lord. For me the beach was my first choice. Walking along the shore with the gentle sound of the waves and the beauty of the sand dunes always helps me be quiet in God's presence. I don't know why I need to be reminded again and again of the value to my soul of solitude. I have a regular prayer time in the morning, but often I busy that time with Bible study, specific prayers or reading agendas. Solitude is without any agenda except God's agenda. We are trained to be so task oriented that we feel as if this solitude is a waste of time, but over and over again I have found that my soul is enriched by solitude and it influences the quality of my whole life. Living alone I have so much time that could be available for solitude and yet I seem to get pulled back into this cultural message that my time needs to produce something. I wonder how long I can resist this task oriented pull this time.

Looking For What?

I'm not that old but I have spent considerable time with people who are sorting out their lives. People seem to be always looking for something. They have a discontent about them most of the time. They think they need more money, or they think they need a different job, or their not content with their spouse or children or parents or siblings or some other segment of their life. We humans so often seem to be looking for something and we don't know what.
I always think about life and things about life. I'm not saying I would want to return to the poverty Marsha and I lived in during our early marriage, but it will say with conviction that that time was among the happiest of our 46 years of marriage. Another time when life was particularly great was when I was away during the week attending seminary and working in a group home.  Family has always been a special gift because we invested in it. The picture is a dinner out with the four grandchildren. What a great treasure we had with those relationships and I continue to enjoy those treasured moments.  Many people say that don't have enough time and yet we both worked constantly during those years and had so little tile together, but by choosing the right priorities life was so good.
We always have only today. This is the moment when life is experienced. The more of these moments we spend looking for what, the more moments we miss that can be the best in life. I'm sure glad I didn't miss those great years in our lives because I was looking for something else.  Are you missing life looking for what?

Birthdays

I just spent some time together with my daughter Merrie and her husband. She let me know last week that she was having surgery for an abdominal tumor that they assured her was benign. She told me not to worry and to stay home, and although I wasn't worried I knew I had to be there. I was grateful to be with them even though the surgery really was simple and she is even allowed to drive already. I really needed some of our conversation about being a parent. It is so hard to know sometimes if our children truly understand how much we love them. I hope she gets it now if she didn't before. I know I have never told her as clearly as I did this week how much I love her. Today is her birthday and I have spent part of today reliving in my mind some of the events of her birth all those years ago. Marsha and I were so young and filled with idealism. Marsha wanted natural childbirth and fought for so many hours not to take any medication. We did not go through any preparation for natural childbirth if they did such things back then. I struggled all night worried about her and you were not allowed in the see your wife back then. I know my struggles were nothing compared with what Marsha was going through but it seemed unbearable for me, partly because I knew she was in pain all that time. The joy was the gift of Merrie. Happy Birthday to her today, one of my great treasures in life.

Listening to God

In my duties as the rector of churches I never gave my music minister the choice of hymns and songs. They had complete control over the prelude, postlude and choir anthem, but not the other music. I picked the other music by Tuesday when I had no idea what the sermon was going to be. I was consistently amazed when the words in the songs I picked seemed to match the sermon in an uncanny way time and time again. It just seemed inspired but because it was all within my prayer and preparation I thought I already knew the sermon when I picked the songs but not in a conscious reality.
Since coming to The Church of the Resurrection I have the same amazing experience. Now independently of the music ministers I prepare a sermon and two different music ministers pick songs for the two different services where music is used. Once again the words of the songs picked match the sermon message God had given me to preach. Yesterday the rector leaned over to me in the second of those two services and asked if I had talked with the music ministers about song selection. He was amazed at the way the songs matched the message. The message even came from only one small line from the gospel which would be hard to see as the sermon focus.
I don't know why after all these years I still get surprised by God. You would think by now I would just expect the phenomenal. I'm not sure the average church attendee even noticed the match, but I'm sure God knows that when they match it all is more effective. God is good.

Preaching

Preaching has been a wonderful comical fascinating joyful part of my life for many years now. I was first asked to preach a sermon in February of 1980. I can remember it so clearly because I said yes in order to dedicate it to my mother-in-law who was away on a special retreat that weekend. I was trembling scared as I stood at the podium in the parish hall of Trinity Church Wrentham MA. At that point we worshiped in the parish hall during the winter to save money. My knees were shaking, my heart was thumping, I had a white knuckle grip on the lectern, and I felt like my voice was shaking as well. I've laughed about that sermon many times since. I don't have a clue what I said or even what the scriptures were for that day, but I'll never forget the experience. I ended up being asked to preach again and again around the diocese because of my leadership at Camp Dennen. God used those experiences to shake me up and mold my preaching. He took me out of the pulpit and took away my reading a written text. With each change that I knew God wanted of me, I was shaking again. I laugh when people say that my preaching seems so natural. If they only knew the struggles with God that I had in letting Him lead me to this method of preparation and preaching. What a lucky guy I am. Preaching was one of the first places where I learned I could trust God, which now seems so easy in so many areas of my life. Walk in His will and you will find God trustworthy as well. I'm sure of it.

Seek Grace

I was reading in preparation for the small group meeting tonight and I found a chapter on the Ignatius Exercises. My friend Dave has done the Ignatius Exercises with a spiritual director. It is amazing the personal growth and valuable insights he has experienced. We have had some awesome discussions of his experience and mine with my own prayer experiences. Today once more I have been reading some of Marsha's journal entries. She would read scripture every morning and write a note to God about what she thought he wanted her to know. Every morning it started "Good morning God". She sometimes mentioned people from her life, even me, but it was never about them or me, but only about what God was telling her to be or do in relation to us. She was seeking grace to live more and more as God wanted her to live. I find from time to time that reading her journals reminds me of the person she was. I don't know how I could forget after all those years, but the mind dims and our attention gets drawn away to one thing or another. It is not wrong that my life has moved in one way or another, that is just what happens. However, whatever happens I don't want to forget the amazing woman that God gave me for all those years. My present years may be important in God's plan for me and for others, but I do not ever want to lose the love and appreciation I have for God because of the  love for me He expressed in the gift of Marsha. I seek grace as well on a daily basis. I can't imagine living without it. I've said to my small group and others that one source of God's grace for me was always Marsha. God spoke through her voice so often that I learned to pay attention when she spoke. I've found no replacement for that role she played in my life. When we married I would never have thought that Marsha was going to be grace for me, I wouldn't even have thought that grace existed. Isn't life funny and amazing when God is in charge.

Storms

Yesterday was filled with storm alerts, rain and beautiful lightning strikes in the distance. We have been so dry here that a storm or two was really welcome. I didn't here of anything really damaging happening because of the storms so I guess it was just one of the ways the grass gets watered and people get to slow down. We don't like storms but we need storms. A place without enough storms is a desert. Things live and thrive in a desert but the amount of life that can be supported is amazingly small. The funny part is we only want sunny and warm, and if we got our wish we couldn't survive.

Life is much the same. We only want the good times, and in fact many people avoid anything unpleasant. Some walk away from marriages, even children when storms arise. Every storm is to be avoided. Every problem is to be blamed on someone else.  Even when it comes to our country we expect every issue to be solved for us or every burden overcome. No taxes, no unemployment, no inflation, all the while education without effort, medicine without complications, government that only agrees with us.

In my life I have grown strongest and best during the storms or at least after a storm as I figured out what I could have done different or better. Avoiding the storms only brings on more storms. I choose life not the desert.

Enjoy

Offseason Beach still remarkable

I spent my whole life in New England and I did not think it was possible to enjoy fall any better than with the beauty of the foliage of our northern climates. I have people here who are going to the hills of North Carolina to see foliage and I don't think they understand how inferior it is to the real thing. I know that one of the sights that always brought God to mind was the breathtaking color of the forrest at fall in New England. This fall has been unbelievable in Myrtle Beach. Sun virtually every day and only cloudy on the occasional. I can sit at the beach and work on my tan every day with afternoon temperatures every day between 75 and 83. The mornings for golf are averaging between 55 and 65, how perfect can you get. The sky is just a crystal blue without a cloud in the sky on most days. I get to swim almost any day I want with the warm New England summer warm even today. Once again it is a constant reminder that God is the creator and constant presence in this world of ours. I think we get this romantic idea that where we live has got to be the best.  I suspect that we forget that God is present everywhere at all times and creates reminders of who is in every place, not just our place. What catches our heart may differ from place to place, but God shows Himself in all of His creation. So enjoy! Enjoy today!  Enjoy where you are!! Just enjoy!

Spiritual Golf

Once again this afternoon I joined a couple who were playing golf. They were a pleasant couple on vacation from Pittsburgh and we had the usual gradual getting to know some things about one another. I am always willing to share that I'm a retired Episcopal priest. It amazes me how often one or more of the golfers want to have questions answered about religion or religious beliefs. Today was no exception. I'm also surprised by how many misconceptions people carry about Christianity, or even at times their own denominations. I always enjoy the opportunity to answer questions without pushing the conversation myself. If I'm patient they will come back with another thought or question looking for my input. I know I will most likely never see these folks again, but I pray that some seed from the conversation will open them to some new relationship with God. For many years I've said that our lives are pregnant with possibilities for ministry. It is not always our job to deliver the baby, but we might be meant to help it grow. I do know I walk away with a handshake at the end of the golf round leaving the possible results in Gods hands. I just got a nice round of golf out of it.

How Much Love

The day we married, so young foolish and idealistic

Gifts from God to love

Love comes in many forms and it never runs out. I have been blessed with so much love, but most certainly with the gift of the family Marsha helped me to make. She was first and greatest for sure. I can't be sure what the future would have held without Marsha but I can say that my life was going in the wrong direction fast until God gave me Marsha. She taught me one special kind of love and brought me another. Nothing can replace the experience of loving your first born child. I'm not sure I knew how to love her right, but I loved her and continue to love her abundantly. She was so smart and precious and cute and none of that went away as she grew into a woman and mother herself. My son, the baby of my family, was smart and cute and always physical. He could swim across a swimming pool at eleven months, and he never stopped that active nature. He too grew into a man of whom I can be proud. It was another love of another kind for both of my children. In the midst of raising them Marsha and I both discovered the greatest love of all, the love God has for us and the love we have for Him. All the previous expressions of love were then a mere shadow of this new and greatest love. We both knew that our love for each other and our children and family and friends were a place to express our understanding of this greater love. We were then blessed with even more love treasures. One by one our grandchildren came into our lives. These four unique persons filled our hearts with still another depth of love. I can't even describe the awesome love we both held for these grandchildren of ours. We didn't see any of them that often, but they filled our hearts every day. I think Marsha was created for many reasons, but perhaps the greatest was to be a grandmother. I think we loved our children ferociously but we got too often caught in the trap that what they did reflected on us. I think that always makes your children question your love for them, but that was never an issue with our precious four grandchildren. They are very different people the four of them, and I hope they all know that we love them for who they are. As life has changed since Marsha's death it creates the question, what else will love teach me? I only know that loving and being loved are at the center of the universe. All else revolves around it like the planets around the sun. My life revolves around the SON who taught me the most about unconditional love, and calls me to become an expert in it every day. I guess the saying love makes the world go round has much wisdom.

Active Again

Today was the fourth day in a row that I had a full day of church activity. It was as if I'm not retired. I have to admit that I enjoyed everything that was part of that four days. I feel God's presence most when I'm serving Him. I think it is also because I'm spending so much time reading and praying in preparation. God becomes the center of my mind and centers my life even more in God's Holy Spirit.  At the same time I have to admit that I'm not as used to the energy level involved in being that active in ministry as before, but I was really happy that although I'm a little tired I'm not exhausted.
I know I'm a pretty active person anyway. People comment quite often about how busy I am between church and my hobbies and activities. Marsha and I always thought we were high energy people. We had our times in the day when we were quiet but we filled the rest of our time with a variety of things. I used to tease my grandchildren when they said they were bored by saying "Only boring people get bored." but in a certain sense I guess I really do believe that. The world is filled with so many things to think and do that boredom shocks me.
I think if my body ever starts to wear out, I'll need to write ten blogs a day in order to fill my time. Active is good isn't it? I love being active, especially if the activity is serving my God.

Convention Day

One of the things I love about the Episcopal Church is that it functions with a distributed power through the forum of a convention. Ordained and lay people meet together and have authority to influence and direct the life of a diocese. It seems only fitting in a country where democracy is the form of governance, that the church functions with a similar democratic structure. Today we will pray together, speak together and decide together some important proposals for the future of The Episcopal Diocese of South Carolina. I have not always been voting with the majority in my life as a lay person or as a priest in my years of ministry. I never stopped participating in the process even when at times I knew I was a part of a fading minority.
One thing I dislike about the Episcopal Church is that it functions with distributed power through the forum of a convention. I love our democracy, but right now all I see is a political game that ignores reality for the good of politics but not the good of the country or it's people. We are lost in a battle of words that causes paralysis by analysis. I've watched our country be manipulated in one direction or another by those in power without much concern for the common good. The same political process has been escalating in the decision making of the church, sometimes for good, but often for particular agendas that may not consistent with God's will. Unlike our country where our government is formed to uphold the right of all the people and to fulfill the will of the people, the church should only be concerned with God's will.
So I go today willing to play the part allowed for me in the ongoing life of this diocese in the work of God in the world. I will seek to represent God's will in this moment as best I can not my own personal agendas. My prayer is that we can find the will of God in great unity as we pray and decide together today at convention. Politics aside, this could be a great day.

The Changing Changlessness

I go to the beach frequently at Myrtle Beach State Park. I love the water and I love the beach. The sand at the state park is wonderful, with part of the beach soft and loose for a blanket and closer to the water hard packed for easy walking. I once was part of study that examined the shape of a beach through a year of seasonal changes. It is amazing how much material mother nature can move around from one season to another or one storm to another. I can see changes at the beach on an almost daily basis, while at the same time the tides still change in a very predictable manner and the waves still stroke the shore. It is one of those places in nature where change meets order, fluctuation meets stability.

I also watch the changes in life sometimes slow and easy and at other times swift and challenging. God is always present and appears to be different in the changing terrain of life. At the same time God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The march of history moves within the order and purpose of God toward the fulfillment of God's plan. Giving us free will makes the path look more like a maze than an ordered journey fitting neatly into the order and nature of God, but that is why we see so much change in the midst of God's changelessness.

Don't Worry Baby

I was watching a movie today on TV and a song was being sung while a couple was kissing. Now I have always Loved "The Beach Boys", they are from my era and it is just happy music. I like happy music. The song was "Don't Worry Baby" and it became as if Marsha was kissing me and singing to me, "Don't worry baby everything will turn out all right." From time to time I still need a good weep just for the fun of it. I know she wants me to be all right, and for the most part I am, but it is a process and it seems to have an ebb and flow that is unpredictable. I try to fathom what all right will look like if I get there, but it escapes me. I enjoy life and I have so much in my life that is meaningful and exciting and yet I'm not sure life is all right yet. What does all right look like? What does all right feel like? How would I recognize it if it appeared right in front of me?
One thing is certain and that is that God has been good to me. I know that I can trust Him with my future because He has been so trustworthy in my past. I have depended on Him in little things and big things for so long and he has never let me down. Especially as Marsha and I walked through our end time together, God was there for Marsha and for me. So maybe "Don't Worry Baby" makes me weep, but I know everything will be all right, and God will help me recognize it.

I Have A theory

I read today another nonsensical article by an atheist who claims scientists have proven that the universe did not need a creator. In fact many astrophysicists  have come to believe in God because they have concluded that the universe had a definite beginning and therefor had to have a beginner (creator).
I have a theory that atheists were created by aliens who have stolen their brains. I know it's just a theory, but when I test it with my experience and understanding it seems the only plausible explanation. Now I will be able to build another theory on my unproven theory and then another until we are many generation from reality and then I can call anyone stupid and delusional who doesn't agree with me.
I'm both a scientist and a theologian by training.  I love science and I continue to read and pursue understanding of the material world through empirical study and rational conclusions, but I stop short of calling theories facts. I've never claimed to be able to prove the existence of God, but like much in science I hold it as a working theory that has proven to be reliable to such a degree that I assume it to be true and am willing to share my experiences of God as evidence that it is one hundred percent true. The article I read said that atheists have been treated like arrogant ignorant people by those of us who have faith in God. I didn't write a book called, "The God Delusion" which places any of us who might challenge his beliefs as delusional. That's not arrogant and ignorant of course.

Laughing Is Great

In the picture my friend Dave has me wearing a golf hat that his son gave to him. Once he wore the hat to our golf course in MB as a laugh. Laughing is good especially when it is with someone not at someone.
Last night at our small group I asked the group to share one thing it was unlikely anyone else in the group knew about them. We laughed and laughed at some of the things that people shared. It was proof positive again that people are very interesting.
It is often the simple things that bring moments of happiness and to help people to connect with one another. That bonding of people seems to contain moments of emotion, joy, fear, sorrow or others.
I find that to be true of our experiences with God as well. We are more open to possibilities when our lives are impacted by emotional circumstances. It is not that we set aside our intelligence or reason when our emotions are engaged, but rather that often our intelligence is stimulated when our emotions are engaged. We speak all the time about the increases in physical ability when adrenaline is in our system. Our body reacts differently when emotions are engaged but our senses and our reaction times improve because the emotions cause emotional changes that stimulate a bodily response. I'm not speaking of emotionalism which engages the emotions while discarding our intelligence. I'm also not recommending intellectualism where we elevate the mind without the inclusion of our emotions. We are human and humanity means the intertwining of mind, body, emotions and spirit.

Relationships Are Great

I had a nearly life long relationship with a great woman. At times it was a love hate relationship but always the love far exceeded the hate. Relationships are hard. When we let people get close we know they see both our good and bad, and we see their good and bad at the same time.  If the relationship really matters we work hard enough to overcome the challenges and work through the difficulties. We take time to think about, and communicate with people who are truly significant to us. Most of us become experts at human nature because we study people in order to find out way through the maze of life working hopefully toward happiness. When I married Marsha we did not live on the same planet. I came from a stoic family that rarely expressed emotion and she came from a family where emotions flew around everywhere all the time. I had trouble dealing with her emotional nature and she didn't know what to do with my lack of emotion.  We worked at those and other differences and grew to love each other deeply and value our relationship intensely.
At times I have struggled with my relationship with God in much the same way. I have worked hard to develop that relationship too. I have read His word and prayed for understanding. I have spoken volumes to him and I have sat in silence and learned to listen. I make every attempt I can think of to look at everything in life through my understanding of the nature of God, while I work to try and make the nature of God, the experience of God in the world and my own reason come together in some meaningful way. I can't expect my relationship with God to be any more meaningful than any other if I fail to make it a priority. Relationships are great especially a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, but relationships are work especially the most important ones.

I'm Retired You Know

I keep taking one step and at a time. Often it is one step at a time up a fairway at some golf course like the one in the picture, but I lots of other things to fill my life. I loved being a priest because my days were always varied and at one and the same time the day was in my control and out of my control. I could go with the flow and really try to be open to leading of the Holy Spirit, and yet one call from a parishioner in an emergency and my life was out of my control. I thought when I retired that life would be more predictable. I found it easy with Marsha to settle into a very pleasant routine. We had variation in our days, but we also had predictability. We became involved with activities at church and with friends. Life moved with a measured rhythm. When Marsha got sick life began to become less predictable again. Now life seems to move at a fast pace again. Let's say the rhythm is faster. I do love that life is busy and full. Between hobbies, friends, house, and church I have a great deal to keep me occupied and yet I feel like I again have that go with the flow control I loved so much. I've heard many retired people say they don't know how they ever had time to work. Retired life is so full and busy they can't imagine how they managed life and work too. I would say the same and that is what makes retirement so great. I get to fill the day and I better not complain because it's my life to fill with whatever I want. I'm retired you know.

Good Not Enough

The picture is of my son Dana juggling at a music festival in Maine. When he gets those objects in his hands he definitely gathers onlookers. The adults around are not as obvious in their viewing as the kids in the picture. I picked the picture because he is better than good at this talent. When it comes to life I think we settle for less than we should. I think we settle for far less than God wants from us. The God I love looks at our world and wonders what we are doing. Excess in one place with  poverty in another. We set expectations for ourselves far lower than those set by God. For instance the scripture clearly says that as Christian we can live without committing sin and yet if you listen to people they proclaim that because we are human we must sin. We act as if an hour at church and ten minutes of prayer and perhaps a little  act of charity once a month is enough response to what God has done for us. We set standards for ourselves that are meager at best and allow the vast majority of our time talent and energy to go to our own pleasure. We need to realize that even in our times of fun and enjoyment we are called to be serving God. The interesting part of that equation for me is that the closer I get to my whole life being about serving God, the more I find a life filled with peace and joy and love. We may do a few good things and settle for second best and think all is great, but good is not enough. We settle for to little to often. My life is his and good is not enough for God or for me.

Saint Francis

I love the prayer attributed to Saint Francis. I especially love the parts where it is not what you get but what you give that matters. I also love his insight that it is in dying that we are born to the greater reality of eternal life. I think I love him because he walked on the wild side like me and eventually found that the real peace is found in God not in wine, women, and song. It's not as if I don't like a good time, it's not as if I don't want a laugh or a dance or a song, I love those things. What I have found is that they are just not enough when I compare them to the knowledge of the love of God and the peace that this creates. I'm also in some ways moving more toward a better person. I'm not finished but I'm not the man that Marsha married. I'm a much more patient , kind and gentle man than in any of those early years. I don't have the marks of the crucifixion on my hands and feet like Saint Francis, and I never stripped naked to run down main street while renouncing all my worldly goods, but I have changed my life focus. Somehow our culture clutches to the love of animals part of the story of Saint Francis and ignores the gentle peaceful poverty part of his witness and call. In many ways I can't understand how Saint Francis is so popular in our culture. When Marsha and I married we had so many plans to be wealthy and to have everything. We certainly changed our values as the years went by. I'm no Saint Francis but I have moved in that direction and I love him as a role model and his values as a goal.

Small Group

Tonight was the first meeting of the small group I will lead for the next several weeks. I have eleven participants in my group and I was surprised that they seemed to have little contact with each other even though most have been in the parish for a relatively long time. It is interesting to me that one of Jesus most consistent messages is for us to love one another. How is that possible if we worship together but don't even know each other. The world gets more crowded all the time as population grows, and yet people seem to get more isolated and more isolated as the decades go by. We live alone in a crowd or we share our lives with a select few while protecting ourselves from so many others. I enjoyed the way the group shared tonight and I hope they also felt comfortable with the openness.
Quite a few of the participants shared excellent examples of awareness of God and clarity about his support and care for them in life situations. I think we are off to a good start.

Certainty & Uncertainty

 I have some things of which I am certain. One is that God is as real as any material object I can touch or hold. Another is that God loves me and you and had a plan and purpose which seeks a personal relationship with each of us. A third is that this relationship will not end when my body dies. At the same time I am a scientist, and I'm certain that objects obey gravity. I picked the picture of the waterfall as an example of that certainty. So many material realities are just as certain to me as the spiritual ones. I think some people wonder how I can understand so much about the biological and physical material world and still believe in the spiritual realities that give meaning to my life. I don't find any conflict in the reality of both.

My uncertainty rests in the realm of trying to figure out humanity. I have tried to help many people through the years that have suffered from the cruelty caused by another human being. I have even been the cause of others being hurt from time to time. I can't say I planned to hurt anyone but I did. The uncertainty comes from the way we judge one another, hate one another and indeed mistreat one another.
The height of nature is humanity, and yet from those who pretend to be superior and oh so smart on the atheist side, to the hateful judgmental portion of the spiritual side,I'm not sure God is clear about any of us.  Perhaps only the rest of creation can really be trusted.
Once again I have spent my life trying to understand people and at times I just want to give up. I can't give up. but sometimes I just would like to give up. I think that might be how God feels about you and me. 

Let The Thunder Roll

This is one of the rare days I've had here in Myrtle beach when the rain and thunderstorms actually stopped me from being active outdoors. I've had some pieces of a day that kept me indoors, but not this constant threat of lightning. It has been OK though as I have been working on phase two of organizing the house, and phase one of preparing for our staff away day tomorrow at my house. It is also phase one of preparing for my small group meetings which begins to meet here on Thursday. It feels good to re-enter my church life and the relationships it provides. I love thinking about and talking about my Lord and this church provides so many opportunities for that to happen. I find it so wonderful when what I desire from God and what God desires from me meet and travel along the same path. That's when life feels like I feel when floating peacefully in my ocean, just a calm focused meaningful peace.

Church Service

Today at church we held the first annual God is Good Service. I mean we all know God is good, but this service, which was part of the ending service of the Camp Dennen summer season back in Massachusetts, is a special way of sharing our individual experiences of God's blessing. At camp we always made sure that the chapel was filled with boxes of tissues and they were needed today too. I just loved the number of kids that got up to share and that they were very articulate and had really meaningful things to say. It shows both the acceptance of our young people that God desires, and the depth of their spiritual journeys. For many adults this must have been a real eye opener. Every year at camp I was blessed by hearing the experiences of those I had known all summer. Sometimes we don't realize how much God is doing in the lives of people all around us. I'm thankful to have been part of today. I brought a special rare geode with water trapped inside and a bubble floating in it. I described how during this past year plus. since Marsha died, I have felt God's support and strength like the rock in the geode, while the fluid is like the grace and love surrounding me through all my family, friends and church. I have been like the bubble floating in a pool of grace, mercy and comfort as I have grieved the loss of my wife. It has made my experience of grief easier than I could have imagined. God is good.

God's Work In My Life

I have been thinking for some time now what I should bring to the service at church this week. We are instructed to pick an item which expresses what God has done in our lives during the past year, and bring it to church. We will have the opportunity to explain our choice if we so desire. I have thought and thought about the question not because I couldn't find an answer but because I found too many answers. I sometimes think I am blessed with God vision. No matter what happens I seem to step back and look for God's hand in what is going on. In almost every situation, both the good ones and the bad, I can usually see what God was doing. Often I can't find it right away, I need to watch it evolve through time to see that God was present. I'm not saying that God creates the situations, often we are very adept at that ourselves, but rather that God does not abandon us even in our self created misery. The item I picked for tomorrow is the geode on the table. A young man from Hong Kong gave me this unique geode when I helped him come to this country for school. His grandmother is very dear to me and was to Marsha. This geode has a bubble inside floating in trapped water. I think it a very appropriate for the most important way God has been working in my life. Perhaps after I tell the church I might even tell you.

I'm Home

I arrived in Myrtle Beach at 8:30 AM Wednesday morning. I am home. I spent great time with family who I miss most of the year. I loved seeing so many friends, and reconnecting with some of them for the first time in years, but this is my home. Part of it is my comfort in my own space and part of it is my friends next door. Part of it is the church and church family and part of it the routine I have here, but most of it is that I am surrounded by a world of memories in the things in my home. I know I have had a good life and it might seem sad that I see it in the small possessions that surround me, but I do see it there. A hand made cross here, a candle there, a bunny here, a figurine there, they add up to a lifetime of friends, companions and life events. None of it is valuable in a worldly sense, but all of it is valuable in a personal sense. I think one of our main tasks in life is the discovery of who we are, to have a clear identity. I watch Criminal Minds and it may be bogus but I watch as they walk through a house and gather vital information from what they see. It might be too simple but at the same time I think it has some reality. Our identity is found in our possessions. I spent a good part of today on my beach where I released Marsha's ashes. A new part of my identity is found in that new reality. That beach is another part of home and another step in my life journey of discovering with God who I am and why I'm here.

Last Days

I love to visit friends and family, and they always support my doing my things. I've had plenty of time to play golf and wander as I wished this summer. I come up here to spend time with my son and his children and have had many opportunities to do that over the past month. What has been new and different is getting to spend a significant amount of time with Jess, the love of my son's life. Last summer we spent time together but it was very limited and the opportunities for the kinds of conversations where you get to really know a person were few. This month I had some of those great opportunities to get to know her. I've had the chance to get to know her values and character. She cares deeply about others and shows it by her choices. She has a keen intellect and takes the challenge as a teacher to really grow the minds and character of her students. She is a terrific mom with a remarkable son. She makes my son happy. We have talked about many things this summer and I value all those moments. We even spent some hours sharing thoughts about theology. In many ways this has been like other summers, a time to reconnect with the Maine part of my family, but it has given me the chance to come to love the one my son loves. and that means a lot to me. Thanks Jess for your part in the gift of this summer.

Proud Bumpa

I've had the pleasure of being Bumpa to my four grandchildren and the privelage of spending a lot of time with them. In their own individual ways they all have made me proud. Sometimes by their talents and activities but more often by their character and humanity. Marsha and I treasured every moment we had together with them through the years. It was not that all of them were pleasant, but they all showed us their character and personalities. Forrest now a senior and once agin playing football is the baby of the group but he's no baby. Marsha would have been thrilled to see him playing football. We came up from MA on day trips just to see him practice when he was younger. She once flew to Milwaukee, WI, rented a car, drove completely across the state of Wisconsin to La Crosse to see Laura stage manage her first college play, to get back in the car the next morning and retrace the trip. So many big and little things come to mind as I share time with my grandadults. I'm so happy and proud they are in my life, and I think, if it's heaven for Marsha, she can still smile at all their lives and be the proud grandma she always has been.

Now Forrest hit some one!!!

Kameron Was Here

Kids are funny. My great grandson Kameron was hiding under the towel as so many kids do and like so many before him, he thought we didn't know who it was. He genuinely thought he surprised us when he peeked out. It is that you can't see me if I can't see you belief. As grown ups it often manifests itself in the notion that we can hide from God. God might allow us to go our own way, but He doesn't ignore our choices and actions. We don't need a towel to do our magical disappearing act we just let the fantasy become our reality.

Kids are also immensely curious. It seems like every moment they are trying to figure out something new. It could be the rocks in the driveway or the baby fish in the pond, but they just go from one adventure to another. They seem to have a somewhat sensible feel for what to fear and what is safe. They move a little carefully around new things but they don't generally stop their exploration. I think the unknown is often more of a problem for adults. We can even tend to fear God as if God would be out to get us.

I always said all I wanted to be when I grew up was a big kid, and when I really watch a youngster, I'm still convinced it would have a lot to offer.

Maine Coast

The coast of Maine is filled with rocky cliffs with crashing surf, and beautiful lighthouses on every major point of land. The bays are filled with lobster boats and sail boats and it seems like every one of these points has transportation boats to take people to the hundreds of offshore islands. As you look out from the harbors you see tiny islands everywhere, but you could also find many that are habitable. It makes for gorgeous rides as each harbor is different and unique although with built in similarities.

I have a brother-in-law that collects miniature model of lighthouses and he does have many. I never appreciated the models because I never took the time to see the settings. They are really adapted to the location and are very unique. I showed you two pictures as an example.

I must say I admire the country both in the shoreline and the hills, lakes and mountains, but it is not Myrtle Beach in terms of fitting my lifestyle. I'm glad I get the chance for both, but I'll enjoy home when I get there.

Nature Is Entertaining

The other day i was reclining in my beach chair behind my son's house enjoying the warmth and the serenity in God's creation. I was looking at the clouds and a number of different shapes were visible through a short time of looking up carefully. The camera does not show as clearly as my eye did the head of a falcon or other bird shaped by the cloud. It was just interesting to see how many beautiful images I could see in the clouds. A face appeared, an ocean wave, and more more thing were clearly visible. I went to belfast Maine yesterday and was taking some pictures of the harbor when I spotted the pose in the other picture. The picture is of a cormorant in a karate kid kind of a pose on top of a boat mooring. I don't know why these birds make this pose but I once saw a group of about ten of them all in the same pose. Without my camera this morning at the golf course I was walking toward my ball when I heard a clucking sound ahead of me and in what seemed like a single jump about twenty five turkeys, mostly babies, jumped out of the woods onto the grassy fairway. They just kept grazing as I took a shot not that far away and then walked by them. It seems like daily when I take the time to keep my eyes open I can find something to fascinate me. I lived most of my life in a fast paced trot from one thing to another and I know I missed many more curious and fascinating things in my environment. What else have I missed in my tunnel vision march through life? I'm sure some were far more important than these relatively unimportant observations. At a recent memorial service the song "Slow Down" was chosen to be played. I know the song and I know the thought. I even know the experience as I take quiet time each morning with my Lord, but I think it has been a respite time for me before my ready set run. How do we slow down and yet accomplish the needed tasks of life? How can we be active and reflective at the same time? Retirement is good, but I know God wanted more of this while I was busy.

Comedy

It seems funny that living with Marsha meant not seeing any movies that might called comedy. In certain situations a chick flick or two might qualify as a romantic comedy, but not a laugh out loud straight comedy. It seems funny because my wife could be outrageously funny and you would think she would be the one between she and I that would love comedy. I have remained in the pattern of avoiding comedy just because I don't know why. I agreed to go to the movies with Forrest my grandson and immediately I looked to see maybe Salt or maybe Inception but we ended up seeing a comedy that was laugh out loud funny. It was humorous all the way through but really funny at the end. My son then wanted us to rent a couple of movie an action adventure and a comedy. Again the comedy was extremely funny this time all the way through. I laughed and laughed something I probably need more than most. I tend to be a serious guy and laughter is good medicine for me. I will admit the language in one of those films was not in my liking but the movie was still funny. Maybe I should try it more often.

What's Next

The pictures are from The Saddleback Mountain Bluegrass Festival. We actually sat on the ski slope above the base lodge where the stage was set up. The scenery around us was spectacular. I had my reclining gravity beach chair which is very comfortable and brings a number of comments from people passing by. A couple of those led to conversations and two of them even ended up being about God. I have no idea what God will do with those conversations but it felt like they were part of God's plan for the day. Today at the golf course I also ended up in conversations with two of the course employees. Again God was a significant part of the conversations. One involved a man that has been going through some challenging times with Lyme's disease and polymoralgea (not sure of the spelling). A prayerful life, that is open to God's presence in the moment, finds these things just happening. It seems like life is always full of the what's next, because God will create opportunities to show my love for Him in the moments of every day. It's more difficult for me to believe there will be nothing next than to expect for more to happen. I do smile inside when God is so present, and I thank Him that I don't have to worry about the results if any. That is His business not mine. I just need to follow when He leads in the dance of life.

Bluegrass and Moose

My son and I went off on an adventure yesterday. We headed to the western side of Maine and explored some lakes and streams on our way out to Saddleback Mt. which was holding a Bluegrass Festival. The picture is of David Grissom and the Bluegrass Experience. Grissom has a reputation as the best Mandolin picker in the world. He was amazing I have to say. Another featured performance was by The Del MCoury Band. We left after those acts because it was getting toward dusk and out near the Rangley lakes is a heavy moose area. Most of you know the funny happenings last summer as we travelled to the places where everyone sees moose only to see none. We last evening was success. In the other picture if you look carefully you can see a mother and baby crossing the road in front of the car to get into the woods. They were very close to me as I tried to get the camera ready but two cars came by and moved them away from me and then across the road. I actually saw this mother and baby and also a one year old in a separate place. I must say that moose do exist in Maine and I have seen them. Marsha would be pleased that I finally have completed what we both wanted to do. The moose hunt is over now I will probably see them everywhere.

Animals Animals Everywhere

Two dogs, five cats and a hampster just for fun. I can still find a place to sit most of the time. Last year he had his snapping turtle tank that took up a third of the living room, but the turtles were released this spring. They really were quite big. They all love animals in this place but I like my petless existence. I can pat them and appreciate them for a few weeks but I don't want to take them home with me that's for sure. I watch the people at the dog park in Myrtle Beach and walking the neighborhood, especially the ones with multiple animals and I know for sure that my peaceful free life is more suited to my lifestyle. Sometimes I wonder how they afford all the pet food and other needs to take care of them all. I guess I just like different kinds of entertainment.