Listen

I was traveling for two days at dawn which is my usual time set aside to be with my Lord. I had on my Ipod Christian music playing through my sound system and I was often singing along at the top of my lungs. I arrived at my various stops tired and hungry which is only to be expected. I didn't even realize the void in me. I thought I was centered in Christ for my whole journey having made Christian lyrics and tunes the distraction from driving. I was puzzled by my feeling of unease. I'll admit I was sick during my three days coming south, and that was an easily acceptable explanation, but it was not the answer. I was not taking time to give God his voice. I gave plenty of time for God to hear mine, and as I said it was often in loud praise of Him. I'm reminded of Elijah in the cave waiting to hear God. The power of God might have been in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire but they apparently were enough of a distraction that Elijah could not hear God. In the sheer silence he heard the soft voice of the Lord. I had spent days filling my life with the loud and beautiful expressions of my love for God but I had drowned out his voice. In the silence of my home I realized that I had not heard him, but he was with me now in my quiet settled time before him. Not yakking at him or singing praises to him, or standing in awe on the top of one of his mountains, but settling in silence before him without distraction. Thank you God for waiting for me again. I love you enough to let you speak into my silence when you want.

Small Things That Matter

A couple of days ago I heard from someone on Facebook that I did not immediately recognize. It turned out the person had been a former student of both Marsha and me. She wrote that I was willing and able to answer the important questions she had and that I made her feel safe at a time when safety was not easily found. Marsha was the challenging academic teacher who she loved. It always amazes me when I find that someone remembers some small thing that was part of the past that made a large difference in their life. This person was effected enough that she was actually searching for us on Facebook many years after our ever knowing her. The picture is from Marsha's retirement party. She never did retire. Her brother Ken remarked after Marsha's service in Massachusetts that everyone who shared mentioned Marsha as a teacher in one form or another. I met a former student here in South Carolina that felt much the same way. I think we care too much about the big things like politics and government and conflict and not enough about the simple acts of kindness and love that really matter in the long run. We all have the same opportunity to matter in the lives of those around us. It might be the unexpected that people will remember, but it will be the most important.

Thinking of Psalm 139

In my status on Facebook I joked that when I woke up this morning in Myrtle Beach, God was already up. I was contemplating God's presence at every stop in my journey this summer. If I flee to the highest mountain you will be there also. is the way the psalmist expressed it. It is amazing how God knows us and meets us new every morning. It doesn't matter if we're ready for him, he is always ready for us. It doesn't matter if we are in a good place spiritually or a bad place. It doesn't matter if we recognize his presence or ignore him. It doesn't matter if we are tuned in to every movement of his spirit in our lives, nothing changes God's presence or constant availability. My journey this spring and summer has been both external as I travelled to Georgia and New England at the same time that it was internal as I said goodbye to the love of my life and began to face all the changes that creates in my life. God greets me at every turn and proves he knows me inside and out. No wonder I say "You are a great God" so often. Thank You Lord for going before me and preparing my way. I will try not ignore your presence.

The Road Leads Home

I didn't stop to take a picture of the road I took coming home, so I used one my son took from the window of our moving car as we were about to cross the Pennobscot River at Bucksport Maine. I had spent Tuesday night in such pain I was not sure I was going to be able to drive on Thursday but I felt enough better to travel and I made it home today. I left both mornings at 3 AM because I much prefer the night driving. I was through New York City Thursday morning at 7 AM with no meaningful traffic. I really had a wonderfully meaningful summer. Starting with the service at St. Thomas for Marsha and including visits in Virginia and all around Massachusetts with friends and family. Then I also spent lots of time in Maine with my son Dana, my grandson Forrest and the love of Dana's life Jessica. We had exciting trips and excursions and great conversations while life included other fun activities. Altogether a great summer to help me with the great changes in my life without Marsha. I must say as I sit in my recliner that fits my body just right that it is very nice to be home. I walked in and it felt like Marsha and me. The familiar things, my shower, my bed, my TV, and my computer internet. I know you didn't sit around missing me, but I'm now missing you if I don't get to facebook and this blog. Cloudy today so I played golf but haven't seen my beach yet. I'm home. Life is good. God is good. Amen Amen!!!!

How Much Room

Frequently these days I look at the pictures from our life together and also of pictures of my new life without her, but it is humorous because one thing Marsha always wanted of me was to remember to take pictures and I never did. This picture is of Hoi Ling Man Po one of the people God sent to live in our home with us. From 1979 onward Marsha and I seemed to be living a life to make room for others. First it was Camp Dennen where we tried to make old cabins feel like they were possible for a vacation weekend or week, and also create campsites out of woods that were thickly overgrown with briars and other underbrush. For us it was clearly God who then asked us to open our home to strangers or at the very least people we did not know well and make them part of our family for a time. Each time, no matter how much we knew it was what God wanted, we had to change our lives to include someone new. One time it was a whole family and it was for quite a long period of time. It has probably been close to thirty years since we lived this long without someone in our home. How much room does it take to do what we did? How much room do you have in your heart? Each time we let someone into our home we let them in our hearts. I can see the faces today of all the many who have traveled that path into my heart and I still care about every one of them. Some I haven't seen in years and may never see again, but we wanted nothing but the best for them and I still do. For me I think God used this to do a Grinchotomy on me. He expanded my heart like he thawed the Grinch heart, and I am so blessed by that.

Travel Light

On the road again is what I will be very soon. I just completed a whirlwind trip to Massachusetts for my last visit before I head home, and will make another stop in New Hampshire before the final push south, but I am heading home. The picture was taken when Marsha and I first went to Myrtle Beach after the closing on our new home. You can see the U-Haul that helped to carry furniture to fill most of the rooms with temporary vacation cottage kind of stuff. I like to travel. I even love to drive, and it doesn't matter if it is a leisurely country road or a packed highway. I think we get very settled in our places and travel can expand our vision. I have to admit that I will feel very comfortable in my own chair in front of my own TV and back in my own routine, but I'm not sure that is what is intended for us. Often I think of Jesus as he travelled light. No extras for him only the simplest necessities. I think we surround ourselves with so much that we become uncomfortable without it even in the short run. We even have a phrase for some of those things. Now you might debate what fits in this category but you probably will agree the category does exist. It is called the necessary evils. Now how can evil be necessary? They can include gigantic things like the hydrogen bomb, or mundane things like a TV or computer, but we are surrounded by necessary evils. We don't travel light anymore. I look at what I have to repack in order to go home and I am certain I don't travel light. Believe me I have more that two tunics with me, and have more than a couple of buck in my purse. Perhaps we can never go back to the simpler life, and maybe we are not meant to, but I'm not sure we should brag about it either.

Round & Round

Through the years as I have spent time in a variety of environments with people who are extremely poor or homeless and heard they use the phrase "What goes around comes around." It is one of the most common sayings of the homeless. They don't mean the round and round that Marsha loved form the picture. Marsha thought having a child to give her an excuse to ride the merry-go-round was fantastic. I think Marsha also understood what the homeless were saying. So often we hear that we get more than we give. I'm not sure the homeless have any understanding of the economy of grace. Many have not been in a church or read the Bible or found a relationship with Christ, but they do know that giving even some of the tiny amount of resources they have will be honored by those who receive the gift. They really share. The greatest difficulties that I found between the needy was when one of them would not share. Why does the church have such difficulty understanding or at least difficulty living what those with almost nothing to share find routine. I have always been so proud of Marsha because she lived a life that looked out at the needs of others before she looked inward at her own desires. She didn't live like that to get any reward from others, but she was admired and respected by so many because she knew in her heart "What goes around comes around."