Around The Block A Time Or Two

What is that saying about getting on the old side. I suppose some people have been around the block a couple of times, but I hope they have been more places than that. I have only been a very limited world traveller, with only a handful of countries other than this one on my list. I even spent most of my life in one state, but I been to 43 of them. That makes for some mighty long blocks. Some of those trips were real adventures, maybe not by my son's standards but for me and my wife they were real adventures. I know I scared her to death often enough on our travel paths. I am arriving at getting on the older side, but I've been doing that since day one. I keep living life, and I keep trying to fill it up. Twenty Four hour days one after another all full of something, and hoping most of them have something in them that makes them worthwhile. Some days alike, some different, all interesting and off I go to fill up the next. Who will I be with today and will it matter in some way. God only knows, but I'll be kind to those along my path and offer what I can as I go, and serve the Lord I love, and leave the rest to him. Next up, it's just around the block.

Living Life

I can focus on what I had in the past, but that will not make the parts I loved come back or the parts I hated disappear. I can live in the future, but I've found my desires never satisfy the way I thought they would and fantasy disappoints because it is usually unattainable. Today is real and I can make of it whatever I choose. I'm not saying I can make myself a millionaire today if that is my desire, nor could I change my job today or make myself healthy if I have a disease. I can however decide my attitude about life. I'm not an optimist by nature but I am kind of optimistic by faith. I may not really be able to call it optimism though because in my experience even in the most challenging circumstances God has given me a deep peace. Perhaps I have ceased to react with anxiety because Jesus has proved so trustworthy in past events. It is not that everything turns out the way I would choose, but rather that I am so sure of the ultimate outcome that the temporal outcome seems inconsequential.
That is what I call living life. It is a freedom that in my experience is not natural, but supernatural. I know people who would call it a delusion, but they don't live in my skin and have not had my experiences. I'm not some irrational person who turns off his brain, and yet often it feels like people are judging me in such a fashion. I think I have always showed respect for people who approach life as a response to their experiences, but we who have had deeply spiritual experiences are disregarded. I'll keep living life and I'll keep trusting in the greatest source of freedom and peace and love for others I've been able to find. Yes, I'll just keep Living Life.

Festivals

Soon in church we will again see the C & E people. The church will be packed and the music and service traditional in so many respects. The themes are so well know and the music so well established that it is easy to predict what we will sing on those festival occasions. I think those C& E people really think it is just the same old church without any changes. My church is different at 11 for sure 9 often during the rest of the year, but even the contemporary service comes closer to traditional on Christmas & Easter. It is no secret that the church can get stuck in the past in the way it gathers for worship. Resistance to change is inherent in the institutional church.

It is too bad that God is being graded for the performance by people who don't get the truth of the message. I may be boring at times when I lead worship, maybe even all the time to some, but I pray God will forgive me if I keep people from the experience of His love for them and the great benefit that is found in personally knowing Him. It is not about festivals or church services. It is about a God who is bigger than anything we can imagine. I heard yesterday that Tiger Woods has passed the 2 million mark in twitter followers, and I'm sure he doesn't have the biggest following on Twitter. That is miniscule in comparison to the Jesus account.  Over 35% of the world's population has a regular conversation with Jesus, those numbers stagger even the wildest high tech imagination.

I love that old saying, "Doing the same thing or and over again while expecting a different result is a perfect definition of insanity." Sometimes I think the church needs some anti-paranoia medication to overcome the huge fear of change.

Lemons

I think you've all heard the saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Interesting that God makes  lemons and people make lemonade. Frankly as a something to ingest I'm not that fond of either one. A little lemon juice for my Caesar Salad Dressing or to put on fish, but that's about it, so the metaphor leaves something to desire for me.

I have had a lemon like week at least in part. Earlier this week, I heard a friend was perhaps facing some very serious health issues. Others I talked to had serious family issues. My van had the transmission suddenly cease to work at all. Tomorrow is three years since Marsha's death. If the metaphor really seeks to say that you can make something good out of something bad, I don't think I find that exactly.  I have been surprised at the calm I have experienced amidst all those situations. Perhaps it is only aging that helps me realize that this too shall pass has been a reality so often that jumping to anxiety is foolishness. Perhaps it is faith and a deep assurance that God will take care of my needs. I've seen enough things that don't turn out the way I want to convince me that aging alone can't explain my calm peace.

I do see this week along with many others as the evidence that faith matters. Sometimes I see miracles and God's hand clearly involved and changing circumstances against all explanations. Sometimes I see opportunities open up from the middle of difficulties. Whatever to result God is with me and God is in charge. Keep the lemonade, I know a better way to do away with bitterness.

Pleasant Provision

I have walked on the beach quite a few times this winter. Golf is exercise, but it is riding in a cart and works the legs, arms and shoulders, but not the heart. My beach walks are the place for getting the heart pumping and enjoying the ocean. Today was the first of the year for sun bathing as well. I love my gravity chair and my ipod. I think I embarrass myself a little as I sing quietly with my earphones in and my Christian music blaring in my ears. Reclining in the warmth of the sun is just so soothing. I come home from the beach and I can still feel the warmth. From now on the beach will continue to increase it's pleasure for me. Soaking up the sun, walking the beach, floating in the ocean will just add to the magnetic effect of the beach. The gate to the south end of the park has been gated closed all winter, but was open today, so I went to the place where I released Marsha's ashes. I leaned back in my reclining beach chair hit play on my ipod and the song was Amy Grant singing "I'll Remember You". God must have known where my heart was, I don't think I've heard that song in a year.

I think that sums up the way Jesus wraps me in his warmth as I relax in the sun's warmth. The physical becomes an opening for the spiritual again and again.

Almost Three Years

At one and the same time it seems impossible that it has been three years without Marsha. Impossible because I still feel her influence on my life every day and yet impossible because my grieving for the most part is over. I don't often reflect on the ways she still influences my life, but when I do such reflection I see her presence all around me. I go shopping and the pro shopper is advising me in my head. I cook and my mind sees her hands doing all those same recipes over and over through our life. I read scripture and I remember discussions we had about those very words. Although we often had the same viewpoint, often I heard her wisdom in framing a passage. I've given up watching Law & Order, but I still pick programs I know she would love as well.

When I meet people I still have this need to introduce them to Marsha. She may not be there, but they can't know me without knowing Marsha it seems. I don't know how other people who are single after being married for so long feel about life, but 46 years of marriage can't just be left behind in my life. I'm thankful for so much, but almost nothing compares to the gift of life with Marsha. I say almost because the giver of our very lives will always stand in first place for me and Marsha my love.

The Natural Rhythm

Something about a beach makes me feel like everything is in order. I am generally a person who is at peace with my life. I have an assurance of God's presence that is routinely powerful, and after saying all that the beach has something special to offer. I know many of you who read this realize that I love to float in the ocean. It is the best of the best relaxation activities for me. Even leaning back in my gravity beach chair and closing my eyes however I can feel the pulsing rhythmic movement of the waves. It is as if my breathing and maybe even my heart begin to fit in with the wave pattern in some way.

I have had other experiences of a similar nature when rocking in a hammock in and among the trees. A gentle breeze can cause the trees to sway and again the rhythm can seem to synchronize with the rhythm of life. Such moments soothe and comfort and bring us to some resting place that for me at least centers me in God.

It is such a resting place I seek when I settle in prayer and meditation. It is a little different because I am creating a rhythm of breath that mimics those natural motion I mentioned earlier. I have been on a number of silent retreats where significant amount of time are set aside for meditation. I would be surprised when so many participants would choose to skip those opportunities. I can remember returning home on more than one occasion to tell my wife Marsha that if I was more peaceful I would comatose.

I do think God meets us in those moments of natural rhythm. We avoid sabbath rest in our bust society. I think God knows we need to find a time and p[lace to find our natural rhythm again. I think God created it just for us.

Far, Let's Go Far

In a video at the diocesan convention last Saturday, I was reminded of a saying I had heard before, but which has stayed with me in a new way the last few days. The saying was in a video from Uganda and the saying was, "If you want to go fast go alone, but if you want to go far go together." As I reflect on my life I realize I have rarely gone alone and I have gone far. I think some others have gone far with me as well. An exciting life I think is always shared. I have been alone for some amazing sights and experiences, but they are most exciting when someone is there to share them. I find in my nature and perhaps human nature that we want to go far and we really want to go together. Events in my life made me choose to go alone. Trust in certain situations became difficult and keeping myself safe became more important than that need to go together. Jesus made me able to trust again and go far with not just the company of others, but the mutual help of many others.

We all carry scars from life that can reduce the quality of our lives, but we are not meant to go alone even if life can be fast and furious.  I have invested a lot of my life serving Jesus and helping Him create safe communities, places of healing. Life continues to provide people to share my journey, some have been beside me a long time, while other sGod has provided very recently. Some have been with me for serious life events and others only connected to recreation or fellowship.  We deserve to go far, but that means not alone. So Let's go far, Let's go together.

Routine

I've been on vacation from my blog for quite some time. It was not for any reason in particular other than the process was no longer feeding me. I know that sounds bad, that I only wrote the blog to feed me or better to meet my own needs. I want others to find my blog useful, but the words come from God's action in my life. I haven't been in a barren land with my Lord, but the manna has not been in the writing arena.
I have spent some of the time exploring the possibility of another relationship in my life, and have decided that is not be, at least for now. I love the life I have, even if it seems very routine. Golf, church, family and friends fill my life but it is a pretty routine existence. You know even when Marsha was alive and I was working for a living at a vocation I completely loved, life was pretty routine. I look at other peoples lives and read the status updates they write on facebook and they seem pretty routine too. Life for most people I think is pretty routine, maybe with some variation, but mostly routine. Perhaps it is judgmental to think that those whose life is not routine are avoiding reality in some way, and I guess I can't project my reality on everyone, but I bet it is more common than we could imagine. We continue on an established path putting one foot in front of the other without discerning what God might want.  I have found that God's blessing is available and powerful when I am living in the will of God for me. I just find those times are not constant. I weave in and out of God's will back into my routine, back into my comfort zone, back into the predictable path. Help me Lord to stay with you, you know my blessed life is only found there.

Just A Question?

2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his call, and may fulfil every good resolve and work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.


I often question if I have fulfilled God's call with every good resolve and work of faith by his power. Can any of us really sit comfortably with that question? I hope not. I look at a world that seems to be moving away from God's plan and purpose. I don't mean his ultimate plan and purpose because that can never be thwarted by mere human choice. No I speak of his temporal plan and purpose for me today; that place where I act according to the free will he has given me. I keep looking at the impact on the world of those early believers who truly responded to the Holy Spirit which has been given. We have so many more people who claim belief and yet we appear to lack the ability to effect the world through that same power of the Holy Spirit which has been given to us as well.


Maybe my question is wrong. Maybe the question is not what I do, but rather what I'm willing to let the Holy Spirit within me do. What the Holy Spirit does and only that will glorify Jesus.