My Anniversary

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. I say mine because the other half of the partnership is no longer here to live it. One of the anniversaries in my marriage that really stands out and effected even my day yesterday was my 21st anniversary. You see we were twenty when we married, and on that anniversary I realized I had been married longer than I was single. I had spent more of my life with Marsha than without her. It became that unusual kind of feeling like we just got married yesterday while also feeling like I had never lived without her. It does come to a place where your not quite sure what to do without that partnership. I'm glad we had settled here before Marsha got sick and passed away, because she is here in her things and in our home. I did not understand how hard it must have been for my mother to leave the place in Florida that she had shared with my dad. It must have been like walking away from him even though he had been gone many years. It was a sad day for me yesterday, even more striking than last year. Perhaps I expected it more last year so it didn't catch me unexpectedly. As I write it seems odd that the reality you live with day in and day out, that Marsha is no longer with me, can in a particular moment feel so new. It's as if the year of realizing Marsha's passing had not even happened and she was just gone now. How can that be? Life some times is puzzling. I had this thought during the early weeks after Marsha had passed away that it was like a strange perfume in the air. It was a mixture of happy and sad all at the same time. It is still the same.