I have been healed of many things in my life since coming to my personal relationship with Christ. Some were relationship healings, others were of memories that interfered with my trusting God. which would block my service to the Lord. I read of St. Paul having prayed for the thorn in his side to be removed many times and it was not removed. Perhaps it was something he had to live with as a sign of his humanity even as he trusted God with everything. Tomorrow is tax day and early in my life I had the IRS come after me for unpaid taxes. I was newly married and they docked my salary for the owed funds. It was not much money because I had been sent home from college and had a dead end job making very little money. I have been reluctant to face my taxes ever since. It became an issue with Marsha and I a number of times but no matter how much I wanted to do the tax thing differently, each year I repeated the same procrastination. I will be in agony from January on because the taxes are hanging over my head, but I will not relieve my pain by actually figuring out the taxes. It is almost a masochistic endeavor. It is as if I seek the pain rather than do what I know will end the pain. I've asked God to heal this issue but to no avail. I finished my taxes today but not before once again going through the months of misery. I wish I was healed but I was not, but it does keep me humble, and that helps me deepen my trust in God. When I see my humanity most clearly, I can see God's presence most clearly. Maybe 2he could find another way to catch my attention next year. The pain is getting old real fast. because living with healing is much batter than battling the issues.
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