Preaching

Preaching has been a wonderful comical fascinating joyful part of my life for many years now. I was first asked to preach a sermon in February of 1980. I can remember it so clearly because I said yes in order to dedicate it to my mother-in-law who was away on a special retreat that weekend. I was trembling scared as I stood at the podium in the parish hall of Trinity Church Wrentham MA. At that point we worshiped in the parish hall during the winter to save money. My knees were shaking, my heart was thumping, I had a white knuckle grip on the lectern, and I felt like my voice was shaking as well. I've laughed about that sermon many times since. I don't have a clue what I said or even what the scriptures were for that day, but I'll never forget the experience. I ended up being asked to preach again and again around the diocese because of my leadership at Camp Dennen. God used those experiences to shake me up and mold my preaching. He took me out of the pulpit and took away my reading a written text. With each change that I knew God wanted of me, I was shaking again. I laugh when people say that my preaching seems so natural. If they only knew the struggles with God that I had in letting Him lead me to this method of preparation and preaching. What a lucky guy I am. Preaching was one of the first places where I learned I could trust God, which now seems so easy in so many areas of my life. Walk in His will and you will find God trustworthy as well. I'm sure of it.

Seek Grace

I was reading in preparation for the small group meeting tonight and I found a chapter on the Ignatius Exercises. My friend Dave has done the Ignatius Exercises with a spiritual director. It is amazing the personal growth and valuable insights he has experienced. We have had some awesome discussions of his experience and mine with my own prayer experiences. Today once more I have been reading some of Marsha's journal entries. She would read scripture every morning and write a note to God about what she thought he wanted her to know. Every morning it started "Good morning God". She sometimes mentioned people from her life, even me, but it was never about them or me, but only about what God was telling her to be or do in relation to us. She was seeking grace to live more and more as God wanted her to live. I find from time to time that reading her journals reminds me of the person she was. I don't know how I could forget after all those years, but the mind dims and our attention gets drawn away to one thing or another. It is not wrong that my life has moved in one way or another, that is just what happens. However, whatever happens I don't want to forget the amazing woman that God gave me for all those years. My present years may be important in God's plan for me and for others, but I do not ever want to lose the love and appreciation I have for God because of the  love for me He expressed in the gift of Marsha. I seek grace as well on a daily basis. I can't imagine living without it. I've said to my small group and others that one source of God's grace for me was always Marsha. God spoke through her voice so often that I learned to pay attention when she spoke. I've found no replacement for that role she played in my life. When we married I would never have thought that Marsha was going to be grace for me, I wouldn't even have thought that grace existed. Isn't life funny and amazing when God is in charge.

Storms

Yesterday was filled with storm alerts, rain and beautiful lightning strikes in the distance. We have been so dry here that a storm or two was really welcome. I didn't here of anything really damaging happening because of the storms so I guess it was just one of the ways the grass gets watered and people get to slow down. We don't like storms but we need storms. A place without enough storms is a desert. Things live and thrive in a desert but the amount of life that can be supported is amazingly small. The funny part is we only want sunny and warm, and if we got our wish we couldn't survive.

Life is much the same. We only want the good times, and in fact many people avoid anything unpleasant. Some walk away from marriages, even children when storms arise. Every storm is to be avoided. Every problem is to be blamed on someone else.  Even when it comes to our country we expect every issue to be solved for us or every burden overcome. No taxes, no unemployment, no inflation, all the while education without effort, medicine without complications, government that only agrees with us.

In my life I have grown strongest and best during the storms or at least after a storm as I figured out what I could have done different or better. Avoiding the storms only brings on more storms. I choose life not the desert.

Enjoy

Offseason Beach still remarkable

I spent my whole life in New England and I did not think it was possible to enjoy fall any better than with the beauty of the foliage of our northern climates. I have people here who are going to the hills of North Carolina to see foliage and I don't think they understand how inferior it is to the real thing. I know that one of the sights that always brought God to mind was the breathtaking color of the forrest at fall in New England. This fall has been unbelievable in Myrtle Beach. Sun virtually every day and only cloudy on the occasional. I can sit at the beach and work on my tan every day with afternoon temperatures every day between 75 and 83. The mornings for golf are averaging between 55 and 65, how perfect can you get. The sky is just a crystal blue without a cloud in the sky on most days. I get to swim almost any day I want with the warm New England summer warm even today. Once again it is a constant reminder that God is the creator and constant presence in this world of ours. I think we get this romantic idea that where we live has got to be the best.  I suspect that we forget that God is present everywhere at all times and creates reminders of who is in every place, not just our place. What catches our heart may differ from place to place, but God shows Himself in all of His creation. So enjoy! Enjoy today!  Enjoy where you are!! Just enjoy!

Spiritual Golf

Once again this afternoon I joined a couple who were playing golf. They were a pleasant couple on vacation from Pittsburgh and we had the usual gradual getting to know some things about one another. I am always willing to share that I'm a retired Episcopal priest. It amazes me how often one or more of the golfers want to have questions answered about religion or religious beliefs. Today was no exception. I'm also surprised by how many misconceptions people carry about Christianity, or even at times their own denominations. I always enjoy the opportunity to answer questions without pushing the conversation myself. If I'm patient they will come back with another thought or question looking for my input. I know I will most likely never see these folks again, but I pray that some seed from the conversation will open them to some new relationship with God. For many years I've said that our lives are pregnant with possibilities for ministry. It is not always our job to deliver the baby, but we might be meant to help it grow. I do know I walk away with a handshake at the end of the golf round leaving the possible results in Gods hands. I just got a nice round of golf out of it.

How Much Love

The day we married, so young foolish and idealistic

Gifts from God to love

Love comes in many forms and it never runs out. I have been blessed with so much love, but most certainly with the gift of the family Marsha helped me to make. She was first and greatest for sure. I can't be sure what the future would have held without Marsha but I can say that my life was going in the wrong direction fast until God gave me Marsha. She taught me one special kind of love and brought me another. Nothing can replace the experience of loving your first born child. I'm not sure I knew how to love her right, but I loved her and continue to love her abundantly. She was so smart and precious and cute and none of that went away as she grew into a woman and mother herself. My son, the baby of my family, was smart and cute and always physical. He could swim across a swimming pool at eleven months, and he never stopped that active nature. He too grew into a man of whom I can be proud. It was another love of another kind for both of my children. In the midst of raising them Marsha and I both discovered the greatest love of all, the love God has for us and the love we have for Him. All the previous expressions of love were then a mere shadow of this new and greatest love. We both knew that our love for each other and our children and family and friends were a place to express our understanding of this greater love. We were then blessed with even more love treasures. One by one our grandchildren came into our lives. These four unique persons filled our hearts with still another depth of love. I can't even describe the awesome love we both held for these grandchildren of ours. We didn't see any of them that often, but they filled our hearts every day. I think Marsha was created for many reasons, but perhaps the greatest was to be a grandmother. I think we loved our children ferociously but we got too often caught in the trap that what they did reflected on us. I think that always makes your children question your love for them, but that was never an issue with our precious four grandchildren. They are very different people the four of them, and I hope they all know that we love them for who they are. As life has changed since Marsha's death it creates the question, what else will love teach me? I only know that loving and being loved are at the center of the universe. All else revolves around it like the planets around the sun. My life revolves around the SON who taught me the most about unconditional love, and calls me to become an expert in it every day. I guess the saying love makes the world go round has much wisdom.

Active Again

Today was the fourth day in a row that I had a full day of church activity. It was as if I'm not retired. I have to admit that I enjoyed everything that was part of that four days. I feel God's presence most when I'm serving Him. I think it is also because I'm spending so much time reading and praying in preparation. God becomes the center of my mind and centers my life even more in God's Holy Spirit.  At the same time I have to admit that I'm not as used to the energy level involved in being that active in ministry as before, but I was really happy that although I'm a little tired I'm not exhausted.
I know I'm a pretty active person anyway. People comment quite often about how busy I am between church and my hobbies and activities. Marsha and I always thought we were high energy people. We had our times in the day when we were quiet but we filled the rest of our time with a variety of things. I used to tease my grandchildren when they said they were bored by saying "Only boring people get bored." but in a certain sense I guess I really do believe that. The world is filled with so many things to think and do that boredom shocks me.
I think if my body ever starts to wear out, I'll need to write ten blogs a day in order to fill my time. Active is good isn't it? I love being active, especially if the activity is serving my God.

Convention Day

One of the things I love about the Episcopal Church is that it functions with a distributed power through the forum of a convention. Ordained and lay people meet together and have authority to influence and direct the life of a diocese. It seems only fitting in a country where democracy is the form of governance, that the church functions with a similar democratic structure. Today we will pray together, speak together and decide together some important proposals for the future of The Episcopal Diocese of South Carolina. I have not always been voting with the majority in my life as a lay person or as a priest in my years of ministry. I never stopped participating in the process even when at times I knew I was a part of a fading minority.
One thing I dislike about the Episcopal Church is that it functions with distributed power through the forum of a convention. I love our democracy, but right now all I see is a political game that ignores reality for the good of politics but not the good of the country or it's people. We are lost in a battle of words that causes paralysis by analysis. I've watched our country be manipulated in one direction or another by those in power without much concern for the common good. The same political process has been escalating in the decision making of the church, sometimes for good, but often for particular agendas that may not consistent with God's will. Unlike our country where our government is formed to uphold the right of all the people and to fulfill the will of the people, the church should only be concerned with God's will.
So I go today willing to play the part allowed for me in the ongoing life of this diocese in the work of God in the world. I will seek to represent God's will in this moment as best I can not my own personal agendas. My prayer is that we can find the will of God in great unity as we pray and decide together today at convention. Politics aside, this could be a great day.

The Changing Changlessness

I go to the beach frequently at Myrtle Beach State Park. I love the water and I love the beach. The sand at the state park is wonderful, with part of the beach soft and loose for a blanket and closer to the water hard packed for easy walking. I once was part of study that examined the shape of a beach through a year of seasonal changes. It is amazing how much material mother nature can move around from one season to another or one storm to another. I can see changes at the beach on an almost daily basis, while at the same time the tides still change in a very predictable manner and the waves still stroke the shore. It is one of those places in nature where change meets order, fluctuation meets stability.

I also watch the changes in life sometimes slow and easy and at other times swift and challenging. God is always present and appears to be different in the changing terrain of life. At the same time God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The march of history moves within the order and purpose of God toward the fulfillment of God's plan. Giving us free will makes the path look more like a maze than an ordered journey fitting neatly into the order and nature of God, but that is why we see so much change in the midst of God's changelessness.

Don't Worry Baby

I was watching a movie today on TV and a song was being sung while a couple was kissing. Now I have always Loved "The Beach Boys", they are from my era and it is just happy music. I like happy music. The song was "Don't Worry Baby" and it became as if Marsha was kissing me and singing to me, "Don't worry baby everything will turn out all right." From time to time I still need a good weep just for the fun of it. I know she wants me to be all right, and for the most part I am, but it is a process and it seems to have an ebb and flow that is unpredictable. I try to fathom what all right will look like if I get there, but it escapes me. I enjoy life and I have so much in my life that is meaningful and exciting and yet I'm not sure life is all right yet. What does all right look like? What does all right feel like? How would I recognize it if it appeared right in front of me?
One thing is certain and that is that God has been good to me. I know that I can trust Him with my future because He has been so trustworthy in my past. I have depended on Him in little things and big things for so long and he has never let me down. Especially as Marsha and I walked through our end time together, God was there for Marsha and for me. So maybe "Don't Worry Baby" makes me weep, but I know everything will be all right, and God will help me recognize it.

I Have A theory

I read today another nonsensical article by an atheist who claims scientists have proven that the universe did not need a creator. In fact many astrophysicists  have come to believe in God because they have concluded that the universe had a definite beginning and therefor had to have a beginner (creator).
I have a theory that atheists were created by aliens who have stolen their brains. I know it's just a theory, but when I test it with my experience and understanding it seems the only plausible explanation. Now I will be able to build another theory on my unproven theory and then another until we are many generation from reality and then I can call anyone stupid and delusional who doesn't agree with me.
I'm both a scientist and a theologian by training.  I love science and I continue to read and pursue understanding of the material world through empirical study and rational conclusions, but I stop short of calling theories facts. I've never claimed to be able to prove the existence of God, but like much in science I hold it as a working theory that has proven to be reliable to such a degree that I assume it to be true and am willing to share my experiences of God as evidence that it is one hundred percent true. The article I read said that atheists have been treated like arrogant ignorant people by those of us who have faith in God. I didn't write a book called, "The God Delusion" which places any of us who might challenge his beliefs as delusional. That's not arrogant and ignorant of course.

Laughing Is Great

In the picture my friend Dave has me wearing a golf hat that his son gave to him. Once he wore the hat to our golf course in MB as a laugh. Laughing is good especially when it is with someone not at someone.
Last night at our small group I asked the group to share one thing it was unlikely anyone else in the group knew about them. We laughed and laughed at some of the things that people shared. It was proof positive again that people are very interesting.
It is often the simple things that bring moments of happiness and to help people to connect with one another. That bonding of people seems to contain moments of emotion, joy, fear, sorrow or others.
I find that to be true of our experiences with God as well. We are more open to possibilities when our lives are impacted by emotional circumstances. It is not that we set aside our intelligence or reason when our emotions are engaged, but rather that often our intelligence is stimulated when our emotions are engaged. We speak all the time about the increases in physical ability when adrenaline is in our system. Our body reacts differently when emotions are engaged but our senses and our reaction times improve because the emotions cause emotional changes that stimulate a bodily response. I'm not speaking of emotionalism which engages the emotions while discarding our intelligence. I'm also not recommending intellectualism where we elevate the mind without the inclusion of our emotions. We are human and humanity means the intertwining of mind, body, emotions and spirit.

Relationships Are Great

I had a nearly life long relationship with a great woman. At times it was a love hate relationship but always the love far exceeded the hate. Relationships are hard. When we let people get close we know they see both our good and bad, and we see their good and bad at the same time.  If the relationship really matters we work hard enough to overcome the challenges and work through the difficulties. We take time to think about, and communicate with people who are truly significant to us. Most of us become experts at human nature because we study people in order to find out way through the maze of life working hopefully toward happiness. When I married Marsha we did not live on the same planet. I came from a stoic family that rarely expressed emotion and she came from a family where emotions flew around everywhere all the time. I had trouble dealing with her emotional nature and she didn't know what to do with my lack of emotion.  We worked at those and other differences and grew to love each other deeply and value our relationship intensely.
At times I have struggled with my relationship with God in much the same way. I have worked hard to develop that relationship too. I have read His word and prayed for understanding. I have spoken volumes to him and I have sat in silence and learned to listen. I make every attempt I can think of to look at everything in life through my understanding of the nature of God, while I work to try and make the nature of God, the experience of God in the world and my own reason come together in some meaningful way. I can't expect my relationship with God to be any more meaningful than any other if I fail to make it a priority. Relationships are great especially a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, but relationships are work especially the most important ones.

I'm Retired You Know

I keep taking one step and at a time. Often it is one step at a time up a fairway at some golf course like the one in the picture, but I lots of other things to fill my life. I loved being a priest because my days were always varied and at one and the same time the day was in my control and out of my control. I could go with the flow and really try to be open to leading of the Holy Spirit, and yet one call from a parishioner in an emergency and my life was out of my control. I thought when I retired that life would be more predictable. I found it easy with Marsha to settle into a very pleasant routine. We had variation in our days, but we also had predictability. We became involved with activities at church and with friends. Life moved with a measured rhythm. When Marsha got sick life began to become less predictable again. Now life seems to move at a fast pace again. Let's say the rhythm is faster. I do love that life is busy and full. Between hobbies, friends, house, and church I have a great deal to keep me occupied and yet I feel like I again have that go with the flow control I loved so much. I've heard many retired people say they don't know how they ever had time to work. Retired life is so full and busy they can't imagine how they managed life and work too. I would say the same and that is what makes retirement so great. I get to fill the day and I better not complain because it's my life to fill with whatever I want. I'm retired you know.

Good Not Enough

The picture is of my son Dana juggling at a music festival in Maine. When he gets those objects in his hands he definitely gathers onlookers. The adults around are not as obvious in their viewing as the kids in the picture. I picked the picture because he is better than good at this talent. When it comes to life I think we settle for less than we should. I think we settle for far less than God wants from us. The God I love looks at our world and wonders what we are doing. Excess in one place with  poverty in another. We set expectations for ourselves far lower than those set by God. For instance the scripture clearly says that as Christian we can live without committing sin and yet if you listen to people they proclaim that because we are human we must sin. We act as if an hour at church and ten minutes of prayer and perhaps a little  act of charity once a month is enough response to what God has done for us. We set standards for ourselves that are meager at best and allow the vast majority of our time talent and energy to go to our own pleasure. We need to realize that even in our times of fun and enjoyment we are called to be serving God. The interesting part of that equation for me is that the closer I get to my whole life being about serving God, the more I find a life filled with peace and joy and love. We may do a few good things and settle for second best and think all is great, but good is not enough. We settle for to little to often. My life is his and good is not enough for God or for me.

Saint Francis

I love the prayer attributed to Saint Francis. I especially love the parts where it is not what you get but what you give that matters. I also love his insight that it is in dying that we are born to the greater reality of eternal life. I think I love him because he walked on the wild side like me and eventually found that the real peace is found in God not in wine, women, and song. It's not as if I don't like a good time, it's not as if I don't want a laugh or a dance or a song, I love those things. What I have found is that they are just not enough when I compare them to the knowledge of the love of God and the peace that this creates. I'm also in some ways moving more toward a better person. I'm not finished but I'm not the man that Marsha married. I'm a much more patient , kind and gentle man than in any of those early years. I don't have the marks of the crucifixion on my hands and feet like Saint Francis, and I never stripped naked to run down main street while renouncing all my worldly goods, but I have changed my life focus. Somehow our culture clutches to the love of animals part of the story of Saint Francis and ignores the gentle peaceful poverty part of his witness and call. In many ways I can't understand how Saint Francis is so popular in our culture. When Marsha and I married we had so many plans to be wealthy and to have everything. We certainly changed our values as the years went by. I'm no Saint Francis but I have moved in that direction and I love him as a role model and his values as a goal.

Small Group

Tonight was the first meeting of the small group I will lead for the next several weeks. I have eleven participants in my group and I was surprised that they seemed to have little contact with each other even though most have been in the parish for a relatively long time. It is interesting to me that one of Jesus most consistent messages is for us to love one another. How is that possible if we worship together but don't even know each other. The world gets more crowded all the time as population grows, and yet people seem to get more isolated and more isolated as the decades go by. We live alone in a crowd or we share our lives with a select few while protecting ourselves from so many others. I enjoyed the way the group shared tonight and I hope they also felt comfortable with the openness.
Quite a few of the participants shared excellent examples of awareness of God and clarity about his support and care for them in life situations. I think we are off to a good start.