Listen

I was traveling for two days at dawn which is my usual time set aside to be with my Lord. I had on my Ipod Christian music playing through my sound system and I was often singing along at the top of my lungs. I arrived at my various stops tired and hungry which is only to be expected. I didn't even realize the void in me. I thought I was centered in Christ for my whole journey having made Christian lyrics and tunes the distraction from driving. I was puzzled by my feeling of unease. I'll admit I was sick during my three days coming south, and that was an easily acceptable explanation, but it was not the answer. I was not taking time to give God his voice. I gave plenty of time for God to hear mine, and as I said it was often in loud praise of Him. I'm reminded of Elijah in the cave waiting to hear God. The power of God might have been in the wind, the earthquake, and the fire but they apparently were enough of a distraction that Elijah could not hear God. In the sheer silence he heard the soft voice of the Lord. I had spent days filling my life with the loud and beautiful expressions of my love for God but I had drowned out his voice. In the silence of my home I realized that I had not heard him, but he was with me now in my quiet settled time before him. Not yakking at him or singing praises to him, or standing in awe on the top of one of his mountains, but settling in silence before him without distraction. Thank you God for waiting for me again. I love you enough to let you speak into my silence when you want.

Small Things That Matter

A couple of days ago I heard from someone on Facebook that I did not immediately recognize. It turned out the person had been a former student of both Marsha and me. She wrote that I was willing and able to answer the important questions she had and that I made her feel safe at a time when safety was not easily found. Marsha was the challenging academic teacher who she loved. It always amazes me when I find that someone remembers some small thing that was part of the past that made a large difference in their life. This person was effected enough that she was actually searching for us on Facebook many years after our ever knowing her. The picture is from Marsha's retirement party. She never did retire. Her brother Ken remarked after Marsha's service in Massachusetts that everyone who shared mentioned Marsha as a teacher in one form or another. I met a former student here in South Carolina that felt much the same way. I think we care too much about the big things like politics and government and conflict and not enough about the simple acts of kindness and love that really matter in the long run. We all have the same opportunity to matter in the lives of those around us. It might be the unexpected that people will remember, but it will be the most important.

Thinking of Psalm 139

In my status on Facebook I joked that when I woke up this morning in Myrtle Beach, God was already up. I was contemplating God's presence at every stop in my journey this summer. If I flee to the highest mountain you will be there also. is the way the psalmist expressed it. It is amazing how God knows us and meets us new every morning. It doesn't matter if we're ready for him, he is always ready for us. It doesn't matter if we are in a good place spiritually or a bad place. It doesn't matter if we recognize his presence or ignore him. It doesn't matter if we are tuned in to every movement of his spirit in our lives, nothing changes God's presence or constant availability. My journey this spring and summer has been both external as I travelled to Georgia and New England at the same time that it was internal as I said goodbye to the love of my life and began to face all the changes that creates in my life. God greets me at every turn and proves he knows me inside and out. No wonder I say "You are a great God" so often. Thank You Lord for going before me and preparing my way. I will try not ignore your presence.

The Road Leads Home

I didn't stop to take a picture of the road I took coming home, so I used one my son took from the window of our moving car as we were about to cross the Pennobscot River at Bucksport Maine. I had spent Tuesday night in such pain I was not sure I was going to be able to drive on Thursday but I felt enough better to travel and I made it home today. I left both mornings at 3 AM because I much prefer the night driving. I was through New York City Thursday morning at 7 AM with no meaningful traffic. I really had a wonderfully meaningful summer. Starting with the service at St. Thomas for Marsha and including visits in Virginia and all around Massachusetts with friends and family. Then I also spent lots of time in Maine with my son Dana, my grandson Forrest and the love of Dana's life Jessica. We had exciting trips and excursions and great conversations while life included other fun activities. Altogether a great summer to help me with the great changes in my life without Marsha. I must say as I sit in my recliner that fits my body just right that it is very nice to be home. I walked in and it felt like Marsha and me. The familiar things, my shower, my bed, my TV, and my computer internet. I know you didn't sit around missing me, but I'm now missing you if I don't get to facebook and this blog. Cloudy today so I played golf but haven't seen my beach yet. I'm home. Life is good. God is good. Amen Amen!!!!

How Much Room

Frequently these days I look at the pictures from our life together and also of pictures of my new life without her, but it is humorous because one thing Marsha always wanted of me was to remember to take pictures and I never did. This picture is of Hoi Ling Man Po one of the people God sent to live in our home with us. From 1979 onward Marsha and I seemed to be living a life to make room for others. First it was Camp Dennen where we tried to make old cabins feel like they were possible for a vacation weekend or week, and also create campsites out of woods that were thickly overgrown with briars and other underbrush. For us it was clearly God who then asked us to open our home to strangers or at the very least people we did not know well and make them part of our family for a time. Each time, no matter how much we knew it was what God wanted, we had to change our lives to include someone new. One time it was a whole family and it was for quite a long period of time. It has probably been close to thirty years since we lived this long without someone in our home. How much room does it take to do what we did? How much room do you have in your heart? Each time we let someone into our home we let them in our hearts. I can see the faces today of all the many who have traveled that path into my heart and I still care about every one of them. Some I haven't seen in years and may never see again, but we wanted nothing but the best for them and I still do. For me I think God used this to do a Grinchotomy on me. He expanded my heart like he thawed the Grinch heart, and I am so blessed by that.

Travel Light

On the road again is what I will be very soon. I just completed a whirlwind trip to Massachusetts for my last visit before I head home, and will make another stop in New Hampshire before the final push south, but I am heading home. The picture was taken when Marsha and I first went to Myrtle Beach after the closing on our new home. You can see the U-Haul that helped to carry furniture to fill most of the rooms with temporary vacation cottage kind of stuff. I like to travel. I even love to drive, and it doesn't matter if it is a leisurely country road or a packed highway. I think we get very settled in our places and travel can expand our vision. I have to admit that I will feel very comfortable in my own chair in front of my own TV and back in my own routine, but I'm not sure that is what is intended for us. Often I think of Jesus as he travelled light. No extras for him only the simplest necessities. I think we surround ourselves with so much that we become uncomfortable without it even in the short run. We even have a phrase for some of those things. Now you might debate what fits in this category but you probably will agree the category does exist. It is called the necessary evils. Now how can evil be necessary? They can include gigantic things like the hydrogen bomb, or mundane things like a TV or computer, but we are surrounded by necessary evils. We don't travel light anymore. I look at what I have to repack in order to go home and I am certain I don't travel light. Believe me I have more that two tunics with me, and have more than a couple of buck in my purse. Perhaps we can never go back to the simpler life, and maybe we are not meant to, but I'm not sure we should brag about it either.

Round & Round

Through the years as I have spent time in a variety of environments with people who are extremely poor or homeless and heard they use the phrase "What goes around comes around." It is one of the most common sayings of the homeless. They don't mean the round and round that Marsha loved form the picture. Marsha thought having a child to give her an excuse to ride the merry-go-round was fantastic. I think Marsha also understood what the homeless were saying. So often we hear that we get more than we give. I'm not sure the homeless have any understanding of the economy of grace. Many have not been in a church or read the Bible or found a relationship with Christ, but they do know that giving even some of the tiny amount of resources they have will be honored by those who receive the gift. They really share. The greatest difficulties that I found between the needy was when one of them would not share. Why does the church have such difficulty understanding or at least difficulty living what those with almost nothing to share find routine. I have always been so proud of Marsha because she lived a life that looked out at the needs of others before she looked inward at her own desires. She didn't live like that to get any reward from others, but she was admired and respected by so many because she knew in her heart "What goes around comes around."

Sharing

I am reminded these last couple of days about the benefits of sharing. I don't mean the let me play with your toys kind of sharing but the letting others into the private places sharing. I have been catching up with friends in some visitis this week and sharing my experiences with both the grief of and the joys of my present life. Some of the things I have shared are things I have shard with others during this time since Marsha passed away. Other moments of sharing are personal and belong only to the particular relationship involved. I have the need to share my burdens with others who care about me and Marsha. I can feel a genuine release even when I am recounting things I have aleady shared with others. I can see the understanding of the sadness I carry when I look in the eyes of my friends and even though it is hard I benefit from that shared sadness. I also find great blessings in hearing about the lives of friends that I have missed. One had surgery, and the others seemed to have positive things to share but it doesn't matter. It is the sharing of life that makes it important and special not the guarantee of some universal joyful living. I know Marsha was worried about my isolating myself after she was gone, but that is not what helps me. I need my private quiet time but I need my friends as well. I need to pray and think things through on my own while I also need to exchange realities with those around me. I trust that God will continue to help me experience all those things he knows I need, and also that he will help me share all of that with others. Together we are stronger than we can ever be alone. Thank you Lord for my companions with you along the road of life.

The Mysterious Church

The picture today is of one of the many groups of people that I took out on a mystery picnic. All Saints Whitman had a traditional service auction as a fund raiser. Individuals would offer goods they made or skills they had or events they would create for an auction to raise money. One of the items I would offer was a picnic at so much per person, and those who signed up would experience a picnic in the middle of a mystery trip. A mystery because they had no idea where they were going and a mystery because I usually had questions like a puzzle to be answered as we went along based on things I would show them. At or after each site we would stop for one course of the picnic starting with morning coffee break and ending with a major picnic meal. The year in the photo we ended up at Camp Dennen for the main course. The year in the photo we had two vans and our first stop we pulled over for them to make an observation of an outcrop of rock on route 128. Apparently some helpful observer thought it was an accident and so the state police showed up and didn't like my plan. As I think about life and especially life in the church this is quite metaphorical. The life of a church is certainly mysterious. I wish I could predict what would come next in the life of my parish and the parishes where I have worshipped and served, but it remains a mystery to me. I asked the participants in my mystery tours to use the knowledge they already possessed to figure out what they were seeing as I gave them clues. In the church we have a knowledge base left to us in scripture and clues given to us by the Holy Spirit to solve the puzzle of life in the church. Various groups had various success in solving my puzzles. Some of the groups failed to solve my puzzles, but they still got fed. In the church we might grow and fall back, we might find solutions easily or with great difficulty but if we're engaged in the mystery we still get fed. As a Christian man I attempt to approach life like a mystery picnic. I ponder each day the words I find in the knowledge base given to me in scripture and I sit in prayer listening for clues to life's puzzles and I seem to always get fed along the way. And they say life's no picnic.

On Mission

In the picture to the right Marsha is engaged with a woman at one of our visits among the poor during our mission trip to Jamaica with Food for the Poor. At every stop it didn't matter if we were painting a house, or greeting children, or visiting the handicapped, Marsha was in the middle of everything with her big heart reaching out with that inviting smile on her face. I know people who go on mission trips and I'm not trying to say they do not have right motives or that they are not doing God's work. What I am saying is not to diminish the desire and efforts of others. It is just that Marsha did not go on mission, her life was mission. Wherever she was she just opened up to the needs around her and invited people in to find what they needed. It could be students at school, or in Sunday school. It might be people who needed a place to live as they grappled with life's tough stuff. It could be helping people to see God on a Cursillo or with spiritual direction. Marsha had so many ways that she was living mission that it is hard to write them all here. I spent 45 years on a journey with a giver. She just gave and gave and gave. I have mentioned many of the kinds of situations in which she found herself on mission and where she chose again and again to give, but the greatest recipient of her giving was me. She did the same with me, and she opened me up to be a giver too.

Where It All Began

The little house on the right is where it all began for Marsha and I. It is not the same in the picture as it was when we lived there. The addition to the left was added after my parents sold the house. The house had a livingroom kitchen front to back with a tiny bathroom taken out of it. So tiny that if you got into it you had great difficulty turning around. As small as the bathroom in my camping trailer. It had two other very small rooms one for a bedroom and one had a little table and chairs. We had a double bed and you could not walk around it. You had to side step in the small space between the wall and the bed to get in. Marsha was pregnant with Merrie in that house and I used to move a lot when I slept. I was afraid I could hurt the baby because I would move Marsha out of bed as I gradually took over the whole bed in the night. I solved the problem by wearing a belt to bed with a rope that tied me to the bed frame and only allowed me to get to the middle of the bed but no farther. That worked great, Marsha slept, it trained my sleeping, and Merrie was safe. One night I had one of my famous leg cramps that can wake me screaming and I leaped out of bed while tied to the bed frame into that tiny space and the whole bedroom shook. I collapsed the bed in the process. Life was interesting. We were poor that was for sure, but it was during that summer that we made the decision that no matter what Marsha was going back to school for her senior year, even if she was pregnant and we had to struggle with money. I had been day manager of a bowling alley but that was a low paying dead end job so I went back to the Dainty Maid where I could work sixty hours a week and make more money. It was a better paying dead end job. I worked split shift both opening and closing many days. That meant 6AM start and 2 AM finish. I think you have moments in life that convince you that you can make it through anything. Our early life together was one of those times for us. We made every effort and every sacrifice to make sure that we were going to get our educations. Step by step we watched it happen. People laugh or are shocked when I talk about some of what happened that first year and a half. When the weather got cold we moved from the cottage into my parents house. When Merrie was born Marsha took a couple of weeks off from school, from November 13th to Thanksgiving, then my mom took care of Merrie while Marsha went back to school. By January we knew Marsha would be teaching in Wrentham the following year so her step-father got me a job in Wrentham in February working for the highway department. Marsha and Merrie lived with my parents and I lived with her parents. I travelled weekends to be with Marsha and my baby. My mother went back to work every spring on April 1st so she could no longer take care of Merrie. Marsha was doing practice teaching at Wareham High School so Merrie moved to Wrentham with me so her mother could take care of Merrie, while Marsha continued to live with my parents. It is still strange to think of those circumstances and the sacrifices it meant for us in order to reach our goals. When we achieved what we had planned there was a sense that we could accomplish anything we put our minds to. We both actually looked back fondly to those days. It proved our strength of character. In the hard days it gave us a strength that didn't let us quit on each other. One of the trips this summer was back to Onset and looking at the house where I grew up and the beaches where I swam and the bridges I dove off and the little cottage where Marsha and I started family life. I hear many people wish away their challenges. If only life was easier because of A,B, or C. I'm glad life was challenging. I would not change a minute of the difficulty. That is what made us who we became and to me it was the most beautiful thing to see.

Acadia Adventure

Before we went on our adventure to Acadia National Park Jess went online to see about he Beehive Trail we were going to climb. All I heard her say was that the the climb was >8 of a mile each way and strenuous. After having hiked the 9.5 mile trail at Gulf Hagus I thought it was probably about the same intensity. When we got to the parking area I could see specks like ants on the side of a cliff as in the picture above and said to my son. "That's not where we're going is it?" and he said "No!" We then entered the woods and ascended a rather steep trail like the ones at Gulf Hagus that made my heart go thump thump thump until we came to the point where we could see that indeed we were heading up that cliff. That picture is also above. I think the looks were kind of like are they nuts, mixed with are we nuts. maybe others had different thoughts but I do know that was some of mine. I was encouraged onward but not ultreya, and found myself on some complete vertical climbs with metal ladders fixed into the side of the stone walls, and metal bridges to walk across, my arms are tight today not just my legs like at Gulf Hagus. Again some of those pictures are above. We passed people along the way. This trail was very busy not like Gulf Hagus where we saw almost no one, and I could see the looks in their eyes as they looked at me. It was that kind of what in the world are you doing up here look. You see I didn't see anyone that looked like me except on the easier path we took going down. But I did it. I really did it. The other picture is three generations of Boynton's on the top of the Beehive.

We have done some adventures on this trip to Maine. Things we would not have done with Marsha along although she would have cheered for us if we had taken her along. It is a wonderful world that God has given us and I'm glad to have seen some new parts of it. As I was climbing one of the ongoing things that was happening was the song lyric, "And we're climbing the stairway to heaven." I don't think I'll have to work to get there in reality but the song made great company on the walk, and maybe I was thinking that if I fell this would be the stairway leading to heaven. Enjoyed the day now it's off to church time. Have a blessed Lord's day.

The inquisitive Mind

Yesterday was another opportunity to watch a young one wrap his mind around new things. In the picture are my grandson Forrest now sixteen and my great grandson Kameron going on two. It was fun to just watch Kameron yesterday as he explored Dana's yard and played with the juggling equipment and the dogs. Often you could just see his mind turning and the moments of understanding come. I remember one instance in the cabin at Camp Dennen when Bekah was just a baby watching her try to figure something out that had to do with spatial relations, and that same look in her eye and the change in them when the moment of understanding came. I also taught for a number of years and looked into some young eyes where it was lights out. Kids where they had no curiosity in their eyes at all. I love curious people who somehow keep an open mind to understanding or questioning the world and life. I have very definite opinions about things. Anyone who knows me well knows that much. I also think of myself as a person who although strong in where I stand and why I stand there leaves almost every issue open to rethinking. I think God made our minds to be continuously seeking and searching for understanding. Every time we close off an area to thoughts and possibilities we lose. I hope I never lose the mind of a child, that mind that is questioning and searching and pondering everything all the time. Kameron made my day.

No Golf

I decided yesterday that the crunch of time has hit and the list of things I wanted to do in my putter list for Dana's house need to take a higher priority. Golf in the morning is a real treat, but in these foothills I am weary when I finish walking eighteen holes. I want to save some energy for the list I'm trying to complete before I leave so golf will have to wait. When I play golf so early in the morning that I am alone on the course as far as human company is concerned, I find it a time to commune with God. It is an ever present sense of God surrounding me and lifting my spirit as we walk together. It is prayerful but not in the usual way. It builds my assurance that the world is in God's hands and I am in God's hands and all is well. It promotes a deep peace but lacks some of the conversational aspects of other morning time prayer. When I play golf that early, my conversational prayer time is shortened in order to leave the house and get to my relational prayer time as I play golf. I realized this morning that I have been missing some of that conversational time with God. It produces a different kind of assurance and peace. That prayer time at its best is directional and filled with guidance. Areas of life that are surrounded by fog become clear, at least in the sense that enough is revealed that I know God sees what I see and has a plan for me. For me that's enough. I have found that I can trust God with my future ad therefor I can be content to see his plan for me today and live in that moment. Today I have been looking at going back to Myrtle Beach during this time of conversation. My parish is facing some difficult circumstances and I know God placed me there for a reason so I was speaking to him about that. Yesterday was also an important meeting with for the clergy and bishop of South Carolina and I can see very important times ahead in our relationship within the diocese and our ongoing relationships with the wider church. I know those are situations beyond my control and situations beyond today, but the time with God this morning was filled with blessing as I looked for God's use of my life in this time. I don't walk away from this time of prayer with specific answers but with assurance that I am on the journey where he would place me. Some say, wouldn't it be nice to have specific answers to what lies ahead, and at times I've had that happen, but I know most of life is trusting God as he works out the path as best he can given the free will we possess as human beings. The final answers to groups issues cannot be found until people choose what they will do with their free will. Then God can take what he has as a reality and plan the next move. I want to be with him when he moves. That's enough for me to know today.

Life's Challenges

When I retired as a priest a year ago I thought I knew what challenges I faced in life. From the time I was a teenager I have rarely worked less than sixty hours a week. As a teacher I usually had multiple jobs, and as a priest I didn't need more than one. I thought my challenge in retirement was going to be in the arena of finding things to do and finding meaning in life without work. I'm not saying that I didn't have moments where those issues were evident, but reality is I found the adjustment to retirement quite easy. I'm sure glad of that because if I was struggling with that issue and Marsha's health and death at the same time I don't know how I would have coped. Life is just challenging. We don't know what the next challenge will be, but we can be sure that there will be one. Partly this is true because we are very complicated and our relationships are even more complicated. Our expectations of ourselves and our expectations of others leave lots of areas for challenges. Hopefully the challenges help us to grow, they always hold that possibility. My saying is that each moment is pregnant with opportunity. Many opportunities are missed and we don't grow, but when we seize the moment and let the challenge fulfill it's possibility we grow as people. I'm not saying I'm going to run out and find some new challenges. Life presents quite enough on it's own. I will say that I hope I welcome the challenges and look for what they possess for me. I will be better off and I will be be better for others as well if I can find the growth they possess.

Honey or Vinager

I always have gotten a kick out of some of the old sayings. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar for example. Well who the heck wants to catch flies anyway? I don't know if that has been tested out or not because who would want to attract flies? I get the principle though. Choose your actions to attract those that you want to be attracted to you. The picture is a picture from our early years with our four grandchildren. Marsha, with her obsessive compulsive side, had to make matching outfits for one picture. I have loved our relationship with our grandchildren even now as they are either grown up or nearly so. I hope that we chose behaviors that made us attractive to them. I know they chose behaviors that made them attractive to us. Today is Cassie's birthday and I want all of them to know that they are loved beyond question but especially Cassie on this special day. Perhaps I have not been as diligent in making those same choices with everyone in my life, but I know God wants me to be an attractive witness to others without giving up the need to live in his will. It was so easy with our grandkids and can be a challenge at other times with other people. Perhaps it is because I don't see that God wants me to love others with the same love, love without question, that I apply to my grandkids. Love without question for all of humanity might be a challenging effort, but love them we must. Love the person even at the same moment that we might hate their behavior. That's honey living. I never liked vinegar anyway.

Changes and Chances

It dawned on me that I have been retired one year this past week. We are coming quickly to the time last year that Marsha and I put ourselves in two vehicles and headed south to our retirement home. Boy have things changed in a year. Who would have believed that I would be heading back this year to my home in Myrtle Beach without Marsha. It makes you keenly aware of the changes and chances of life. God has been with us this year in so many very important ways, and yet life moved on with unexpected and difficult changes. Change is one of the inevitable realities of life. Often we can't even for see the circumstances that can lead to large and significant changes. I say this not to bemoan what has happened but to highlight the reality that we have chances to say what we need to say, and we have chances to do what we need to do, and we have chances to be what we need to be, but they don't last forever in this world. As much as I think we lived a full and wonderful life together, we perhaps had a little too much tomorrow and not quite enough today. We had the chance to use today, but we put off some things until a tomorrow that will never come. God has used our lives and I have no regrets for the things we have done, I do regret a few things we left undone. So I still have chances and I still will face changes and perhaps if I'm not too much of a slow learner I will use my chances wisely.

Happy Days

Jess and I hiked to this pretty waterfall yesterday while Dana cooked us steaks on a grill. We listened to Dana's music in the car and talked of the adventure we were on the many other adventures of our lives. Some were of the happy days when our kids were small and the four of us were off to see the world. Many of the memories bring smiles because they were happy days, even when some of the adventures turned to misadventures. I can think of hiking to the top of White Face just south of Conway with Merrie when she was about 8 years old. Marsha and Dana made it about 80% of the way before the 3 year old Dana had enough. Yesterday we spoke of our swimming in the swollen Kankamangus waterfall after a five day hurricane torrential rainfall. We made Dana watch as long as we could because he was wearing lederhosen that his sister had brought back from Europe for him and we knew they would be ruined. We gave up and in the falls he went with me. This summer brings up those family memories as we explore the great outdoors here in Maine. It does bring back the adventurous side of Marsha that people didn't often see in the later years. The memories just add to the complete picture of the one I loved. Grief is a complicated endeavor but I find the more I remember and recognize the great gift I had for so many years, the more I find the ability to face my new reality. I find me also as I remember us. I see the strength in Marsha, but also the strength in me. I find what we were able to do together but also the things that she would want me to continue to do alone.

We have had some laughs these days, particularly as we try to spot the elusive mythical moose of Maine. Yesterday was another journey to another area where everyone says you cannot help but see a moose. Guess what, all you have to do is be with me and it is entirely likely you will not see a moose. I think Dana may have given up this time.

The Great Adventure

In the picture to the right you can not truly tell that the gorge behind us is more than a hundred feet straight down. Three generations of Boynton men went on an adventure that included some relatively safe hiking in northern Maine. It was challenging for an aging body and most certainly an adventure. The time at Chamberlain Lake was quiet and peaceful, filled with beauty, and with a developing appreciation for the vast outdoors and all it contains, again an adventure. It was not that the trip was so dangerous that made it an adventure it was the novelty of the experience, especially sharing it with my son and grandson. It was being together sharing life and enjoying each others company while adjusting to each others personal needs and personalities. It was an easy time away that was meant to connect us and our world and succeeded. I was happy to see how much this body of mine can still accomplish. I saw tired eyes in both my son and grandson which almost matched my own. I took the ups and downs and all arounds with persistent effort. I know God has been with me since Marsha passed away in many ways, but one way has been to give me the desire to restore my body to something of the shape he desires for me. I am healthier today from my consistent exercise than I have been in many years and that helps the possibility of a more adventurous life become a reality. I would not have attempted what we did last week a year ago. I continue to find adventure in the spiritual, the intrapersonal and interpersonal life. God is leading me to new adventures and I will follow. I have often said God wants us to cherish the past that brought us to who we are today, but also to realize that past is the launching pad for today and tomorrow. So let the adventures begin again.

Community

I have been blessed to belong to a number of communities that exemplify what God desires of us. In the picture Marsha and I are sitting in a service at Camp Dennen which surely was one of those blessed communities. I loved being part of that Christ centered group even when things were not always smooth and easy. I think I always felt that God was at work in the midst of the confusion and that a solution would be at hand. From time to time issues would divide the camp and it would take work to get back to that harmony and unity that Christ so much desires of his people. I learned that good people can go in different directions for a time with each doing what they firmly believe God wants them to do. In the end what is of God will be blessed and what is not of God will not be blessed and godly people will see what God's hand has done. It is our humanity that clouds the situations and brings the confusion. We take our eyes off Christ and think our answer is his. Faith is serving God by seeking his will and doing his will and trusting that even when we don't understand God will work it out for good if we believe and submit. My community today seems to be in one of those places where confusion reigns. Only by looking to Christ will the future become clear.

Who Are You Scared Of?

I went to the wilderness to a place that is supposed to be filled with these creatures called moose. On this lake in the Aligash you had ten people. You need water transportation to get there and it is so quiet and beautiful. Everyone said I would see a moose. I traveled out the Golden Road, and back the Golden Road. I traveled the road three times from Millinocket to Chamberlain Lake and never saw the mythical moose. I traveled at dawn through sunrise and I traveled at dusk sunset and dark on the road where moose are said to stop traffic every night and never saw the mythical moose.We then traveled to bog areas where they feed every day and saw no mythical moose. I saw moose tracks and moose poop but I think it's just some strange dude in the woods making me think the mythical moose is around because he never showed up. I'm starting a petition to take down thousands of unnecessary signs on the highways of Maine that proclaim a moose crossing. I think it is a major conspiracy to get tourist dollars. My daughter saw the last remaining moose in that zoo in Toronto. Merrie that's the only one I'm sure of it. Either that or they are just afraid of me. My nickname is moose and perhaps they are just afraid of meeting the real thing.

All I know is I need to be in the Guiness Book of World Records because I've done what many local Maine people tell me is impossible. I've travelled the Golden Road not just once but three times and never seen the mythical moose.

All I Wanted To Be

I've often said that when I grow up all I wanted to be was a big kid. This thing called maturity always seemed dull and boring to me, and with my quiet nature I could probably be real mature and real boring. Well I got my wish. I don't know what it is about adventure or doing something new and different, but I'm like a four year old at Christmas. I can't sleep for beans. Me who can sleep anywhere at any time and just give me the expectation of a trip or adventure and I'll be wide awake hours early. I mean I could understand it if I didn't like my regular life, but I do. I enjoy life and people. I even like spending time with myself. In another hour and a half we will be off to the great woods. When I was a kid maybe 8-12 I would head off into the woods for miles up into Wareham and Plymouth with my lunch, my dog and my fishing pole. I would explore places I had never been and mark the trails to show my way home. I thought those were the great woods then. I've been across this country and have seen vast areas of wilderness. I've stood beside redwood trees so big they boggle the imagination. I have sat on the rim of the Grand Canyon, but I have never been really in the wilderness. Today that is the destination and I'm like a big kid waiting to head off and mark my trees so I can find my way home. This time I have a guide, my son, who loves Maine especially this distant section of wilderness. It is role reversal time and I'm the kid going off for an adventure with my son the expert. Let the fun begin soon please.

No Ones There

I'm headed for the Aligash wherever that is. It is the wilderness in what is called the Northern Maine Woods. It is a place where they have to pick you up by boat and bring you back by boat because there ain't no way to get there by road. This is the moose hiking run that was planned with maybe a little fishing. I don't get spooked by the dark, I mean the dark, when no lights are to be found only the stars of night and the moon. It will feel like times gone by when shepherds sat with their flocks in isolation in the wilderness of Judea. I know one thing for sure we can't outrun God and He may display His magnificence even greater to me in this far away country. I will have my camera and pictures will follow although my camera is not best at the big scene. I am promised that I will see moose plural and that they will be close. It is not the best fishing season but we will have some fun with that and we will site see the Chamberlain Lake area. The next day we will hike a nine mile trail that loops around the deepest gorge in the east. I have walked some hills and stretched my lungs in steep terrain but we'll see if I can make a decent pace. This is exciting and I know how much my son wants to show me his playground. I've shared much of what makes me happy with him, it is time I really experience something that gives him great joy. Wish me luck, and more importantly God's blessing.

What We Do To Each Other

Today after church I played a different golf course close to the church. This is quite a ways from my son's house so it is not what I would usually want to do but I was there for church already. I started out walking and playing alone but soon I joined three other guys. One of them Bob just passed his 70th birthday. As we were on the green finishing putting a mower not too far away backfired. Bob almost hit the ground and you could see the panic in his eyes. Bob is a two time veteran of the Vietnam war and suffers from post traumatic stress disorder. I ended up riding with his brother - in - law the second nine and found out what a rough course his life has been. He is still in counseling and you can see the effect the war still has on him. It reminded me of a guy who used to come into the restaurant where I worked as a teenager who told me he hadn't slept in the same bed with his wife in years. He moved out when he awoke one night with his hands around her throat in a nightmare by memories of WWII. Another golf friend in Myrtle Beach was a prisoner of war when his plane went down in Iraq during the Gulf War. He is on disability and problems, although including physical ones, are mostly emotional from post traumatic stress disorder. I have thought in the past, but was reminded again today, of our need to do more for those who serve our country. We need to be as diligent about those who are effected by war as we do in developing the tools to win the war. I am also reminded that we need to be clear about the human cost of taking military action. So many of us do not suffer the consequences of the decisions and yet are at times to eager to put others into life changing circumstances. I had the privilege on two occasions to be with and help former soldiers forgive themselves and accept God's forgiveness for what they done as acts of war. To see the peace fill them as they were able to set aside that burden before their deaths was a great blessing to me. God loves these men and looks with compassion upon their suffering. We need to do more of the same.

The Beach

To the right is a picture of my beach. It is Myrtle Beach State Park and it is my beach. I lived near the water my whole time growing up. It was not a beautiful sandy beach like my beach now but there was always the beach. I like everything about the beach all the time. I've been on the beach on hot humid days when the water just called your name, and I've skated across salt water bays when the ice would shift with the tide and become hollow underneath as the water receded. I've been on the beach in hurricanes and after hurricanes. I loved to walk in the fog. When I walked to and from school as a little kid I had great difficulty keeping my feet dry because the water just attracted me. When Marsha and I began to look at areas where we might retire we tried some spots inland and we knew we were too far from the water. Lakes are fine, mountains are beautiful but they are not the ocean. I have a son-in-law who doesn't like sand in his feet and my nephew's son can be imprisoned by taking off his shoes and putting him on a chair on a sandy beach. He won't get down without shoes on. I can't understand them I just love the sand in my feet. I visited friends and they always say after the beach that I can take a shower, but I love the feeling of salt on my skin. If it wasn't for hygiene I would never wash it off. As a little kid I would scratch my arm and it would leave a big white streak from the salt on me. I think we all have places where we feel connected to the universe, for me it is a place where God just hangs out. It is often so quiet yet always with a rhythm. I think that rhythm is why I love to lay back and float for long periods of time. I feel so blessed to spend so much of my life so close to the ocean and even when I don't go there I know it is not far away if I need it. Here in Maine it is the same. I am not on the ocean but I've paid some visits. Up here the added benefit is the smell of the ocean that I miss down south. You can smell the ocean miles away almost like an appetizer on your way to the main course. I know God didn't create it just for me, but I'm sure glad it was part of his plan. If you can't tell I love my beach.