Loving Life

I love life. Maybe not all of it, but I love life. What's so bad about that? I was standing next to my friends at the pond in Rochester NH when I took the picture above. It was a beautiful sky on a beautiful night spent with wonderful people in a relaxed and friendly environment. What's not to love about a life like that? I have been loving life, but it's strange to then suddenly get the feeling like I'm not supposed to be. All of a sudden it can feel like I'm being awful to Marsha if I love life. I've always had this difficulty with guilt. I used to tell Marsha, especially when she wanted me to find some, that I don't do guilt. I have seen guilt as an enemy. I read that if you are guilty get rid of it by changing, if you're not really guilty forget it, only the evil one wants you to wallow in false guilt. But guilt creeps up on us and reminds us of the temptation to stop living in the freedom God desires for us. In the case I mentioned concerning Marsha, I'm not guilty. Forget it I say, but when I'm having some fun the thought returns. Does my love of life reduce my love of Marsha? No!!! What would Marsha want for me? A full life!!! How can I mix loving life with my very real grief? Puzzling question that one. I only know that life goes on with tears and smiles with joy and sorrow and with grief and the love of living and that's OK with me, and I know with Marsha too!!!