Hard Work & Grace

Life is hard work no matter what. If I look at all the hills I have climbed in life I get tired just thinking about them. People always say that change is difficult, and I can't think of a time in my life when change was not required. As a teacher I watched boys turn into men and girls turn into women with all the confusion that goes with it. I remembered my own struggles at growing up as a teenager. As an adult I was trying to learn to be a parent and husband. We all learn most from our mistakes so I guess I was a good learner because I gave myself plenty of learning material along the way. You would think it would get easier as you go along, but new challenges await us around every corner. Your body starts to age and you see the future through much shorter eyes. My own cancer, although I felt at peace through it, was another distinct moment of change. I saw my own possible death then but not that of my wife. I'm working hard now at a new set of changes. Life without my partner, lover and helpmate. Mother's Day just passed and I felt that change even more keenly this year. I called my mom on Mother's Day and that was important but I didn't get to share the day with Marsha. Last year I think it was just too soon to really understand my loss by Mother's Day. I was still in a kind of numb state, engaging reality but only to the degree possible then. This year is different. Maybe enough has changed that I can experience my loss and the changes in life again but in a deeper way. Although life is always hard work, I continue to experience God's grace as I go. The path opens before me and the problems and the answers are revealed as needed. What changes are next along this journey of mine? I don't know, just like I didn't know when I was teenager struggling to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. Never easy work but it has always been a great trip.