Excitement of Children

We are so spoiled as adults. We have lived through so much that was fun and we become dissatisfied with what we have done. I'm not sure it is human nature but is certainly an easy trap that we want the newest and biggest and best. I have been reminded of the excitement of children this week. One of my nephews has two young children and I have watched them be filled with excitement over some of the same simple things that excited my children and grandchildren. Olivia with her tea party that took hours to prepare. Cameron with a bike ride around the block and how fast he could go. The beach and sand castles and walking the dog all show a measure of excitement. I have returned to a more simple life in some ways. I don't go out to eat and I cook and live a simple life. I walk the beach and swim and play golf. I can't say those things excite me, but I am certainly content. I do excited when I am involved in worship and especially when peaching I get excited. I just wish we could retain some of that child like simplicity. We need back to basics and not in school. We need it in life.

The Newest Boynton

My nephew Kevin is in his early forties and was late to get married. I performed the ceremony for Kevin and Jill on Mother's Day in 2008. I'm not sure if they thought they would ever have children at that point in their lives, but they have indeed had a lovely little girl. What an adjustment for two people who had lived single lives for so many years. First to married life and now to parent life. I thought it was so appropriate when they named their daughter Grace, because what a gift of God for these two wonderful people, who a couple of years ago might have thought this to be impossible. I met Grace for the first time yesterday and this afternoon had my camera when she was placed in my mother arms, another great grandchild. It was also interesting to watch my brother hold Grace and feed Grace and burp her and all those things as Kevin and Jill spent some time at the beach. I loved being and Bumpa but I had never seen my brother with his grandchildren as babies or even as children. His other two grandchildren were at Kevin's wedding but not really with my brother Terry much. I could see that same love in his eyes that I can remember so well from those years in my own life. I do chuckle a little when I think that my youngest grandchild is seventeen and his oldest is six. My great grandson is three and yet I'm five years younger than he is. It seems odd that my family is so much older than his. I do wish him the same happiness with his grandchildren that I found with mine. They are Grace indeed.

Family Time

Since moving to Myrtle Beach I've had the pleasure of spending more time with my brother Terry who comes here with some regularity. In Massachusetts we always had a regular family connection with Marsha's side of the family, but we always had limited contact with my side of the family. My family for many years lived scattered in Florida, Virginia and Wisconsin. This weekend my side of the family is here at least with my mom and my older brothers piece. I've always liked family time. Something comfortable happens for me when family gets together. I know that is not always true and I'm not even saying that it has always completely been that way with me, but it has been very rare for me to feel uncomfortable with family. I'm not in this blog talking about our nuclear family, although we may have been separated from them by miles for a lot of years it never felt that way. The telephone kept us in contact and time together was special. It is the extended biological family I'm talking about. I've had so much extended family that is not biological and that has been another kind of gift. I got to perform or at least participate in the weddings of most of my nephews and nieces. I got to baptize some of their children. I loved all the formal and informal opportunities to be family. Marsha also valued family above almost everything. This weekend is a good time with so much family here together. I'll cherish what I have.

Play With the Pro

I've been having fun on the golf course. I play with guys like me. Older guys with limited ability who have fun playing the game but who are past their most athletic years. Some of them are clear that their drives and other shots get shorter by ten yards a year. I feel pretty good when I play with that crowd. In fact I'm pretty good in comparison with that group after playing as much as I do. Tomorrow will be a definite reality check. I play with my nephew who gives golf lessons for a living and who spent years striving to become a tour pro because he was close in many ways but far away in others. he has the game but is a step below what will make a real living. He's sure he'll shoot a 69 tomorrow and I know when he hits the ball I will just stand and stare. I'll have fun anyway but it won't be one of those days to build my ego. It's a good thing I really like him.

Busy Not Bad

Friday night was a program at church with an award winning author and speaker. Pat and Dave went with me. Saturday I played golf with my Saturday group and then went to a dinner party at Pat & Dave's. Pat even wanted me to help and that was great. Sunday started at 6:30 AM with the hanging of a large banner across the altar at church. The picture shown is of the same altar on the day of Marsha's service. I helped with the services as usual and then after a restful afternoon had an opportunity to speak at a Cursillo gathering at church Sunday night. It was busy but it was not bad. I realized that I love the fact that I don't have to be in charge of anything. I loved teaching but you can't do it without being in charge of everything. I loved being a priest but I have to admit the most fun was at the Church of the Holy Spirit where I had a lot to do but was not in charge of most things. As a rector my job was a gift. I loved being a rector but in hind sight, even though I had lots of help from parishioners, I always knew I was ultimately in charge. I really like this not being in charge, it frees me to just participate at my pace at my level. Maybe I should have found a way to not feel like I was in charge years ago but I can't see how it doesn't go with the territory.

Power and Presence

Tomorrow in the church calendar is Pentecost or Whitsunday. In church history it celebrates the day the apostles were filled with the Holy Spirit with a miraculous display of God's power working in them. God's presence through the Holy Spirit brings character change and development to us. I love the fruit of the spirit because they are the character work that God does in us through the presence of the Holy Spirit. That character development grows the ability in me to have inner peace when it wouldn't be expected or patience when I used to be impatient. I can love more and more without any strings attached. These are not my human goals or achievements but rather the work of God that happens by allowing the Holy Spirit to be more and more the genuine presence in my soul.

Pentecost or Whitsunday however is more about the power of God to accomplish through us what we are unable to accomplish in our own abilities. A whit is an old name for a spirit. We are always keenly aware of our senses, and give great preference to those things that can be measured by our senses. The growth of science elevated the importance of our biological senses, but we retain the vocabulary that provides evidence of the past value given to our spiritual resources. The spelling of whit became wit and we all know we need to keep our wits about us, or we might come to our wits end. And if we do something completely foolish we might be called a dim wit. So many times I have known what to do because of the Holy Spirit. People sometimes say to me how did you know, and my answer is only that I know because I know. I have somehow learned to sense the leading of God's spirit, which is his desire for us all, and I just know because I know. When you know you have to tell a young woman who has been struggling with an inability to get pregnant that God says she will be pregnant very soon just because you know God really wants her to know it can get a little scary. I told she and her husband with some fear and trembling. What would she think and what if I was wrong, but I knew because I knew and indeed she was pregnant very soon. Example after example could be given of places I went and things I knew I needed to do because of the Holy Spirit. I celebrate tomorrow because the reality of the work of the Holy Spirit in my life has been amazing and more amazing. What a gift freely offered to us all.

Prayer

I have talked about prayer so many times with people and so often all I get is the glassy eyed blank stare. It becomes clear that they are in a complete state of disbelief when I speak about the ways in which God has answered prayer. Sometimes I must admit I let it get to me because it feels like they are calling me a liar when I tell them about my experience and then I look into their eyes. With others the look or the words portray that thought that answered prayer is only a coincidence and then I think they must judge me foolish to hold such illogical beliefs. I so much want people to understand my reality about the power that is available through prayer to meet needs. Often the prayers are not for my own benefit but on occasion they have been personal. The house in the picture is an example. When I accepted the call to be rector of the church in Whitman, Marsha wanted to live close to the church. At the time we lived in Wrentham almost an hour away but we began looking for a house in Whitman. The closest we could find was about a mile away and that wasn't bad, but the house was small and not what we wanted either by it's location or quality or price. We asked the church to pray for us to find a home close to the church and we actually had and agreement on the house in the picture before the realtor's sign in the picture went up on the lawn. The sign went immediately to sold. The house was great, in fact it was magnificent. For Marsha and I it was a perfect home for our present and when we sold it also for our future. Our grandchildren all thought this was the best place for us and for them when they came for a month in the summer. Some of their best memories were in that house. The house was diagonally across the street from the church and it was the same price, almost, as the tiny slanted ceiling house a mile away. Coincidence people might say. Well if you live in my skin and you keep track of the large and small answers to prayer that continue to happen it just becomes impossible odds for so many coincidences to happen as a result of the prayers of one person. I also have friends both clergy and regular folks who have similar lists which defy the odds. I know I have a relationship with a gracious God who cares about us and who listens and answers prayer. Some prayers are not answered the way I want. Clearly Marsha would be alive today if all my prayers were answered the way I want, but I trust God even in this circumstance. Day by day I find God answering my prayers as I cope with my grief and the changes in my life. How can I do anything but praise the God who has answered so many prayers, and how could I keep silent and keep this blessing to myself when I know God wants us all to come into the fullness of that blessing. Thank you Lord that somehow we met and I came to find the deep love you have for us and the blessing you desire to shower upon us. Praise you and thank you Lord.

Walking the Beach

I took the time today to take a really long walk on the beach. The sun was warm and the breeze was gentle and the air was fresh and not too humid. The waves were breaking on my left as I walked down the beach and on my right on the walk back. They were active but not violent and often washed up over my feet as I walked along. On this walk I was listening to my Christian music with my Ipod and trying not to sing conspicuously as I walked along with people around me. I was deep into thought about my wife Marsha. At bible study today heaven became a focus for part of the discussion and in particular if we will recognize people from this life when we get to heaven. My friend said why does it matter to us, and I said I take comfort from the thought of seeing Marsha again. I don't know if I will or won't see her again but it is true I take comfort from the thought of seeing her again. My walk on the beach was spent processing that idea. I guess in this walk I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with taking comfort that I will see Marsha again if it helps me today. You see I think at my best on a walk is like that. The steps are pretty automatic and the pace seems to fall into a biological rhythm. Thinking which is natural to me anyway often becomes even more productive on a walk. I don't think we were made for cars, planes and airplanes. We need to go for a walk or two. Problems might be a lot smaller and solutions a lot better if we did.

No Angels

These have been staring at me lately. They were a gift to Marsha and I from a friend who thought they were cute and that they looked like us. I think she might have thought we were a little bit like angels too. The hands on her hips and the puzzled look on his might have been a reason for thinking it was us as well. I know I caused those hands on the hips quite often, and I was always trying to figure her out and was left puzzled. I also know we loved each other with great passion, but we were no angels with each other at times. I like the figurines because they remind me of how far our marriage progressed through the years. We definitely enjoyed many many good times through the years, and they got more plentiful as time went on. Also, I think we both knew from the start that relationships are not easy. Relationships require hard work. In our non-angelic moments we were also good at hurting one another and we were both strong willed and stubborn. I'm so happy that we didn't quit on each other and walk away because of the bad times. I look back now at all I would have missed and I know I really would have missed so much that is good and excellent. Life was a trip worth taking with Marsha. I really do miss my angel.

Cursillo in Christianity

Most often we just use the word Cursillo to describe this retreat method which used world wide today to help people become Christian leaders. Cursillo is a Spanish word which basically means short course so the real name is Short Course in Christianity. I was blindly lead to a Cursillo in October of 1979 at the Oblate Center in Natick Massachusetts. I say blindly because I had no idea what it was or what I would experience. It was the first weekend after I closed Camp Dennen that year, so it would have been my first weekend at home without obligations and yet God gave me a strong desire in my heart to do this retreat. Although some people see me differently, I am not one to jump boldly into the unknown. I like to figure things out and understand things. This was doing something without any knowledge of what it was on a weekend that should have been the least desirable and yet God made it the desire of my heart. I could have shut that desire up with practicality but I didn't, this time I went with it and my life was changed forever. Marsha went on her Cursillo this next month and had the exact same experience, her life was changed forever. Our lives have been woven together with the Cursillo movement ever since in one way or another. Cursillo gave us an ongoing method to continue the process of growth as human beings. I think I was better husband because of Cursillo, a better father and grandfather, a better teacher, and I never would have been a priest at all without Cursillo. It's over thirty years now since my original Cursillo and I am still trying to be faithful to the method I learned in October 1979 because it works to help transform a life into something more beautiful and engaging and enjoyable and productive and faithful and ...... I go this morning to participate again in the planning of a Cursillo. It is a new community with different ways of doing things but the same tried and true method for structuring a Christian life. I cannot think of a place I would rather be. You see I still answer that inner thing where God has created the desire of my heart to be with Him and he meets me every time anew on Cursillo.

Home Comfort

Once Marsha and I moved out on our own I realized that Marsha had the ability to make a house into a home. Our first home was a rented apartment after we had not really lived alone for our first year of marriage. We moved into a duplex apartment in Plainville Massachusetts and she immediately made the space feel like a home. Part of it was the way she organized the space, but more of it was the way she helped life flow smoothly and comfortably. Life happened and for the most part it was without tension and stress. Things that needed to happen happened and life proceeded on schedule on pace. We moved to our first house after a couple of years and we had to fill some rooms with used junk, but Marsha made it work. The house was dirty and sagging in the middle with very unlevel floors, but we cleaned and worked at making it a home. Marsha used to laugh that our son Dana learned to walk side hill. We lived in Norton, Wrentham, Whitman and Taunton the same was true. From cottage to mansion it didn't matter, things were done to make it home and to make it comfortable. Here in Myrtle Beach I live the way Marsha set things up to work. She taught me how a home functions and it still works even without her to watch me. I use her life model at every turn and my home is still comfortable.

I think that is what God wants to do for us. Life works and has an inner comfort when I am following God's plan. He set the pattern for us to follow and knows that when we learn his model life works. Peace that passes understanding, joy that can't be taken away. and the assurance of God's presence at all times, what more can we ask for. If home is where the heart is my home is with the Lord.

What Do You Think?

I was very recently asked that question. I almost laughed. They had no idea that I wouldn't know where to start if I really wanted to answer the question. If anything I think too much not too little. Most of what I think would be boring and irrelevant to those who asked the question. I would be exhausted if I put into action even half the things I think about. I think about the past, present and future, I think about the abstract and the practical, I even think about the funny and the foolish. No arena is far from my thoughts. When Marsha and I came to understand each other better she realized that I was always thinking. I could think and while thinking do one other thing but I can not think and do two other things. That made a lot of things more clear for her, and made our time together go much more smoothly. With the other thing besides thinking I try to live in the moment and apply the most practical things I have been thinking especially if I strongly sense the thoughts were inspired by God. I did answer the question and I kept the answer in the same realm as the discussion that was going on. What unimaginable restraint. Sometimes I wish I was a less complex person, but then I remember how much I like the way my life works for me. I'm not saying that a thinker is better. I might have thought that earlier in my life, but Marsha was so different and yet so competent that I came to know that other people are just different not better or worse. I made me think. Oh no here we go again.

Hard Work & Grace

Life is hard work no matter what. If I look at all the hills I have climbed in life I get tired just thinking about them. People always say that change is difficult, and I can't think of a time in my life when change was not required. As a teacher I watched boys turn into men and girls turn into women with all the confusion that goes with it. I remembered my own struggles at growing up as a teenager. As an adult I was trying to learn to be a parent and husband. We all learn most from our mistakes so I guess I was a good learner because I gave myself plenty of learning material along the way. You would think it would get easier as you go along, but new challenges await us around every corner. Your body starts to age and you see the future through much shorter eyes. My own cancer, although I felt at peace through it, was another distinct moment of change. I saw my own possible death then but not that of my wife. I'm working hard now at a new set of changes. Life without my partner, lover and helpmate. Mother's Day just passed and I felt that change even more keenly this year. I called my mom on Mother's Day and that was important but I didn't get to share the day with Marsha. Last year I think it was just too soon to really understand my loss by Mother's Day. I was still in a kind of numb state, engaging reality but only to the degree possible then. This year is different. Maybe enough has changed that I can experience my loss and the changes in life again but in a deeper way. Although life is always hard work, I continue to experience God's grace as I go. The path opens before me and the problems and the answers are revealed as needed. What changes are next along this journey of mine? I don't know, just like I didn't know when I was teenager struggling to figure out who I was and who I wanted to be. Never easy work but it has always been a great trip.

Personalities

I have spent years watching people. As a teacher for most of my career I taught every student in the building. I dealt with every type and subtype of personality. Later when I became a priest I also watched the interplay of different personalities. I have come to see that people who never dream they are acting in a way that would effect others in a negative way. Some people are sensitive and others are blunt. They don't do well together although they may not even see the issue. I wish that everyone could have a deeper understanding of other personalities because many personal conflicts can be avoided. When will we learn to accept one another and appreciate one another. Life is too good to let others have so much power over our lives. I allow it myself at times, but I try to quickly reclaim my own sanity. It hurts to see what we do to each other, but most frustrating when they are both really good people.

Mother's Day

This is an early picture from our family photos. This one is Merrie & Dana at maybe six and one year old. Marsha was such a proud mom. She loved her children but she loved being a mom too. It was her nature to take care of people and having children just put her in her natural element. Early in our marriage I made the mistake of missing how important being a mom was to Marsha. I didn't take Mother's Day very seriously, and for someone who defined themselves as mother that did not show any understanding of who Marsha was. She was so good at so many things that being mom seemed to me to be down on the list of accomplishments, but not to her. I wish I had caught on sooner because Mother's day was one of the things in life that show just how much I can be a slow learner. I think it is not just me that underplays the importance given to being mothers. As a priest I met quite a few women who struggled with not getting pregnant, or repeatedly losing babies before birth. Often it didn't seem to matter how good their education or job or marriage was if they lacked the element of motherhood. I came to appreciate how much this is engrained in most women. I don't think my children ever really understood how much being a mother meant to Marsha either, or specifically how important Mother's Day was. She was a great wife and a great mom. Happy Mother's Day my love, you were the best.

Fasting

The picture is of Marsha when she was a leader on a Cursillo retreat. One of the disciplines Marsha used to prepare for and/or support a Cursillo was fasting. Until she had diabetes she fasted for twenty four hours for every Cursillo, and prayed for the retreat every time she felt the hunger. A routine yearly disciplines at Lent was to omit one meal per week and donate the money it cost to serve that meal to an organization that feeds the world's starving. Many reasons exist for fasts but usually they are for some desired change, and often draw those fasting closer to the Lord as well.

In about ten minutes the youth of my church will fast for thirty hours on only water. They will all be together during a directed overnight time at church. I pray this time will be blessed by the Lord for both our youth and the recipients of the money they raise for World Vision. It is a funny coincidence that my first church as rector held a thirty hour fast last weekend for World Vision. I read of their excitement of accomplishment both personal and excitement for their service to others. I pray that the youth here at Church of the Resurrection will know both kinds of accomplishment and that each of them will have somehow drawn closer to the Lord as well during this fast today. I volunteered to supervise the cardboard village in which they will sleep on the front lawn of the church tonight from 3 AM to 6 AM. I pray also that they all want to sleep tonight.

They Think I'm Wise

I'm always surprised when people treat me like I'm wise. I wonder is it my grey hair or my bald head or maybe the accumulation of wrinkles. It certainly couldn't have to do with real wisdom. I must admit I spend a lot of time trying to figure out life, but I don't think I'm nearly finished enough to be wise. My humility, Marsha, would have been glad to tell you that I might have one or two things figured out but that I am definitely a work in progress. What is it Paul says. that God uses the lowly of this world to shame the wise. Well than just let me be lowly will you. Last night at Alpha I was saying how many questions I have to ask God when I see Him face to face. I know he has the answers to why things happen as they do, but I certainly don't. Maybe wisdom is knowing you don't know, in that case maybe I have a little wisdom. I also know God is not finished with me yet, and in fact I hope the best me is yet to come. Even at the golf course today some of the folks were trying to make it seem like I have the answers and that I'm somehow special. Why do we do that with people? Is it because we don't want to be measured by the same standard, so we make some people more skilled or more something so we don't have to meet a higher standard. Me too I guess, I just want to be one of the gang.

Movies

I like movies. I can watch some of them again and again. Today I watched Dances With Wolves for the I don't know how many times. I remember seeing it for the first time in Cambridge with Marsha. It was the weekend in the middle of the General Ordination Exams. I had a room at the seminary for the week of the exams including the weekend and Marsha had come in for the weekend with me. On the big screen seeing it for the first time it was unbelievable. We both wept at parts of it and were touched by others and understood that it had a message beyond itself. To me what makes a movie great is that combination of effects. With this particular movie it is the combination of a compelling historical novel with a serious look at humanity. The indian culture seeking group wisdom has always been attractive to me for example. At the same time the hostility between indians tribes and indians with the whites both show a common problem of human unwillingness to try to understand people who are different. I think we fear that if we try to understand those who look different or think different or talk different that we will have to change. Maybe sometimes that is what will make sense in the end, but more often we hold onto the values and choices which define us. I admire the two main characters who are invested in coming to know each other. I would love a world filled with people like that.

Simple

On the left is my great grandson enjoying something sweet. i was in MB but I think it is his birthday cake. On the right is Madison Surgeons who is hunting for Easter eggs. Both happy with life as it presents itself before them. We had a focus on Sunday geared toward the upcoming parenting conference. The gospel picked was Jesus desiring that the little ones not be kept from Him. The warning is that you cannot get to the kingdom of God without receiving it like a little one. Children are easily swayed to happiness or sadness. They don't hide who they are or what they feel. They respond honestly to the moment. They are authentic and genuine human beings. If the world does not teach them to hide and pretend they will always simply respond to life with the same honesty and integrity. It can take a lifetime to get back to childhood in that manner. I know I'm not completely there but I do believe I am mostly at peace in my own skin. Mostly I can be me without masks and pretenses. I've always said that I don't wish to go back to any earlier part of my life. I have found every stage of life better than the one before. Lately I would modify that if Marsha could be back with me, but not including that, perhaps early childhood would be the exception. It is what God wants from us. Just be yourself, the one you were created to be.

Opportunities

I grew up in a family with a dad who worked with his hands. He never completed high school, in fact his family worked very hard to be able to keep his youngest brother in school to graduate high school. My uncle Hugh, the only high school graduate, died in WWII. My dad was very smart but his opportunities were limited. I think my brothers and I thought that opportunities were available to us but I'm not sure my parents ever dreamt that college was possible. My older brother opened that door and that changed everything. My parents changed their vision and for me college was then an expectation not an opportunity.

Opportunities are kind of open ended, like a matter of choice. They feel like a take it or leave it scenario. Expectations are more solid, they contain an element limitation. Expectations seem to limit choice, and I think in many peoples minds that is a bad thing. Expecting too much is one of the most negative things that can be said about a parent or a boss isn't it. It's as if we are not accepting someone. I think expectations get a bad rap.

I hate to tell you this but God has expectations. He gives you absolute freedom but he also has expectations. Life is full of opportunities and pregnant with possibilities, but they are just the place where we can do what God expects of us if we have a hope of experiencing a truly blessed life. Yesterday I wrote about the little things. At our best those little things match nicely with the expectations God has for us. If they do they will pour out blessing on those who are part of the details while blessing us at the same time.

The most basic summary of God's expectations in the words of Jesus were. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself." Loving God first means caring first about things he expects of us. I simply want to meet the expectations of the one I love. Loving my neighbor as myself means treating those around me the way I know God wants them to be treated, the same way he treats me.

I love that God expects my best. I pray I can please Him with all the little things in my life.

The Little Things

My grandadult Laura wrote a wonderful note about an event that brought up a memory of my wife Marsha. It was the loss of a button that began the memory and triggered the remembering of an event in New York City when Bekah's pants had a problem that Marsha instantly fixed. A little thing like a needle and thread or the absence of a needle and thread can bring out the sadness that comes from loss. My son commented that although Marsha did many big things it is also the small things that he misses so much. As I pondered these things I concluded that there is no such thing as little things. Marsha did so many little things for me that I would hard pressed to be able to count them all. The big things would be her character, but the little things are the expression of her character. It occurred to me that little things are never little. I am known by the details, the little things, that make up the moments of my life. It is the way I react to life in the moment that shows people my true character. Marsha always seemed prepared to meet the needs of others, that was just who she was. Marsha was always ready to affirm the good and challenge the bad, that was just who she was. It is no little thing when we are touched by a memory, it is just a reminder of the true character of the one we love. So many such memories have surfaced in the year just past, but I know more will come, it is just who she was.