Wanting

Wanting is a state of mind that devours more than the legendary TRex. Open your eyes in almost any American scene and you see something you want. Wanting is an itch that is impossible to completely scratch. We have no calomine lotion for the itch of wanting. When we get what we want we simply change the list. In fact the needs on the list often becomes bigger and the list longer. Even though much of what we want becomes uninteresting shortly after we acquire it.   I have been wondering for days if I was as good for Marsha as she was for me. I look at my life and see her generosity of spirit. She gave and gave and gave some more. Although our relationship grew and became better and better, as I look back now, I didn't truly appreciate that she was the greatest mother, lover, companion and friend any husband could ask for. She did things out of love for me that I know were really rough for her, given her life story, and she did it all for loves sake. I wanted for nothing and didn't appreciate that I had everything. Wanting blinded me to the true beauty in my life. I hope and pray that she could say the same. Sometimes I wondered if she really loved me. I bet she wondered if I really loved her. I wanted more because satisfaction is not easy. Marsha I did love you, and I do. The more I think about you and our life the more I want you to know that. It's time to look at wanting differently not just in my grief about what's past, but because you were God's gift and I partly missed it. I don't want to miss God's gifts any more.