Is It Right to be Proud

I have always had a difficulty saying I'm proud of my kids and grandkids. I am proud mind you but I often feel that implies I had something to do with their accomplishments. I love to see them succeed and they do indeed succeed. My son and daughter are both exceptional teachers and have a powerful impact on the lives of young people. Both have been recognized for their skill and effort. Marsha (my deceased wife) and I were both school teachers before I left education to become an Episcopal priest. I know what it takes to teach and my wife was the best I ever worked with. But should I feel proud because my children are great teachers. Even my grandchildren have done things with their lives that are outstanding and awe inspiring. 

I think for me I can be happy for them and happy for me because I see such wonderful things in their lives, but the proud thing confuses me. I know God wants me to be happy and I'm sure he knows what will make me happy. I do know with my flawed use of my free will that I make choices which are not the best for me or for others. I can see God happy when I choose his path for my life, but I can't see him proud of me.

Maybe it is just semantics, but I don't think so. I think we get so rapped up in other people lives that we begin to own their results with horrifying consequences for us and them. I feel like a failure when they don't meet my expectations. If I can own their achievements then I see myself responsible for their failures as well. But more importantly I can rob them of the deep fulfillment that can come from choosing their own path and finding success. They can feel like they are only achieving what will meet my expectations and that is not the freedom in life God intends for us. Sure I can be happy or sad or frustrated or any number of other things if I love someone and see the results of their choices, but my feelings might not be anything like theirs. 

For many years God let me go my way apart from him. He was probably very sad at my life experiences and choices, but he let me come to him in my own time and way. He sent messengers into my life but many I ignored. God smiled and had a party in heaven when I finally got it. He loved me enough to let me be my own person until I realized the best me chooses to walk in God's plan and purpose. 

I love my family that way I hope. Encouraging, supporting, sometimes enabling, but not controlling. Loving and smiling when they choose the best and do well, and yet feeling sad or some other difficult emotion when their life is not going well Encountering their reality without judging and without imposing my life on them. They need to be appropriately proud when they are on the right path and I need to smile and enjoy the moment. It's not my moment, but I've been smiling very often lately.