Team Work

When I was first ordained I went back to teaching, but was a clergy staff member of the Church of the Holy Spirit Mattapan as well. I was the third paid clergy with Paul and Zanetta who were the co-rectors. We functioned as a team even though it was clear that I was the junior member, and I enjoyed our relationship so much. Those were incredible years. As Marsha and I moved from place to place we were never alone in our ministry, but neither of the churches to follow had that sort of staff team ministry experience.

Since the first of the year I have been included in the staff meetings and the staff planning for the Church of the Resurrection. It is so wonderful to be a part of a team again. Today the rector and I met to look at planning for Advent , Epiphany, Lent & Easter for the coming year. To really start detailed planning six months in advance and talk about what would excite us in our ministry together is a real treat. I'm retired and I can pick and choose what I want to do and I have set limits around my involvement. It is still nice to be part of the team and working with a quality group of Christians to serve Christ in transformational ministry.

Saving the Best to Last

The picture is of a beautiful sunset near the beach of Grandview Campground in Rochester NH. Sometimes God does save the best to last. That night the colors just kept evolving with pinks and purples and oranges for what seemed like a hour. It was as if God just planned a special event for us that evening.

I have been watching the World Cup Soccer Tournament. When the USA fell behind or scored the winning goal near the end in match after match, and always managed to pull it out in the end, it did feel like saving the best to last was just great. Today however they fell behind twice and they couldn't come back to the win in order to move on to the next match. The best wasn't saved to last today. They were eliminated from the tournament. It was clear really all along that the team was giving up to many early goals and putting themselves in difficult circumstances. Some times it is just plain too late. The best to the last philosophy doesn't always cut it.

I was so grateful that my marriage to Marsha just got better and better through the years. In some ways our life together was saving the best to last, but we did live looking forward to our time of retirement that never really materialized. We looked forward to so much that will never happen, and I regret some of that. One thing is for sure we both found the absolute best when we found our personal relationship with Christ our Lord in 1979. For both of us that was and is the peak, the pinnacle, the Everest of a human life. We didn't save that best until last in that case, we enjoyed many years of that blessing, and it made even the difficulty of Marsha's illness and death a time of deep love and sharing.

It could be nice to save the best to last, but remember in some circumstances it can just be too late.

KK

I have been praying for a woman that I have known for over twenty years who was suffering from cancer. Her name was Kay Tenerowitz but we called her KK. She and her husband Ted were among the most genuine Christian people I have ever known. Both of them were just gentle loving souls filled with a kind spirit. KK passed away during the night in Ludlow MA. Ted died some years ago so during her later years KK would come to Camp Dennen for the summer alone. Her daughter came on weekends but KK was nearly blind and did not drive so she relied on the help of neighbors and friends. One of the hardest things to do is to have to rely on others, especially when they are not family. KK understood the reality of true living in the Body of Christ. Real Christian living depends on Christ and on each other. KK made it to Eucharist almost every morning and cleaned all the linens for the altar. She was a prayer warrior who you could rely on for intercession.

She and Ted were not remarkable people in many ways. They weren't rich or famous. They didn't have any singular dramatic accomplishments, but I know from my own experience that I wanted to be a Christian like them. Knowing them as I did I don't think I am alone in that desire. This morning at the golf course my friend Larry asked how things were and I said the world lost one of it's blessed saints last night. She won't be on a stained glass window, but she has been welcomed to her final home as indeed one of the blessed saints. Rest in peace dear KK.

Abby Sciuto Week

How can you fall in love with a scientific naive goth woman. It all seems like an impossible combination with her innocence, like bowling with the nuns, while frequent references are made to her active unmarried sex life. With all the strange pieces she still has that strange attraction. Marsha loved Abby and I must say I do like her character. I think we recognize some of the strange contradictions that exist in all of us when we encounter Abby. I think with other people we want to make them very simple, as if we completely understand them from the small glimpses we have into their reality. However when we look at ourselves we see the complicated contradictions that operate in us. Although for me Abby may be a cute over the top exaggeration, in some way she connects with people, because she is a bit unlovable and yet is profoundly loved. A lot of us feel a bit unlovable for one reason or another and yet want to be profoundly loved. Abby makes us feel like that love is possible.

Marsha would love a week with Abby at the center. Marsha was complicated too. I loved that about her. Life with her was a constant surprise and yet almost entirely predictable in hindsight. Well I love love Abbey week too! I like the way it helps me remember Marsha.

Strength

I'm watching a tennis match from Wimbledon between Isner and Mahut. The match is the longest in history by every measure, nothing else is even close. It seems like every record is being broken. The fifth set is longer than the longest entire match in Wimbledon history. I have been amazed to see the disciplined endurance of these two athletes. It takes real strength of character to hold it together serve after serve, point after point for almost nine hours. I see no lack of courage in either competitor.

I've watched people fight through life issues that gave me more admiration however. I've tried to help people who have are going through a divorce and can't understand what has happened. I've worked with people who battled depression for years and faced the struggle with courage every day. I've been with people suffering from cancer that is terminal. I was amazed at Marsha both by her strength in dealing with the problems of her illness, but even more so the perseverance of her faith without ever faltering through the same moments.

I love persistence in a QUITTER WORLD. It seems like giving up at the first sign of struggle is pervasive in our society. I don't know what I would do of course in anyone else's life so I'm not judging, but it is inspiring to see determination and perseverance. You know God never gives up on us. Thank God!!!

Father's Day

I have for most of my life been a person who bought cameras and took some pictures but then never got the film developed. It is in that vain that you see the only picture I have with all four of us in one frame. My children have also been hard to get in the same place at the same time.

I'm not sure my children know how much I have enjoyed being their father. They should know I love them, but I'm not sure they understand that I have enjoyed being their father. Among the challenges of being a dad, I might have created a false impression that being a father was such hard work that it overcame any enjoyment.

I also have my quirks of nature. I have tremendous joy on the inside, I even laugh frequently on the inside but for some strange unknown reason I rarely show it on the outside. So, when I'm pleased or proud or just having a good time with my children it might be hard for them to know. Marsha and I struggled at times to agree about parenting and maybe that is part of the issue, but we both loved being parents. Marsha was just so over the top obvious about her feelings that I'm sure they knew she enjoyed being their mother, but on this Father's Day I want to reverse the process a bit and tell my children how much it means to me that I could be their dad. Thanks for everything, both of you are a treasure in my life.

Useful When Faithful

I've been reflecting on my life since October of 1979 and November 1979. Those were the occasions when Marsha and I experienced the love of God and the power of God for the first time. Marsha had been a church goer for most of her life, but I had been involved in the church only a few years. Neither of us really understood who God is and what He offers us. Our lives changed for good in 1979. I'm not saying everything God wanted to change was changed in an instant, I'm saying that experiencing that life changing moment helped us become open to the other changes God wanted to accomplish in and through us. We became different people over time. So many times I have wished that my children knew the same guy my grandchildren knew. Lately I continue to see that in God's hands I'm useful beyond my ability. I watched Marsha be useful beyond her ability too. My usefulness grew with the persistence of my faithfulness to God. Day by day and year by year the changes have increased by usefulness. In the mirror of time I can see so clearly all that has happened because we met God in a clear and personal way in 1979. You can't rewrite history but at times I wonder what the mirror of time would show if I had ignored that little voice prompting me to attend the Cursillo retreat, and Marsha being willing to let me go away the first weekend after Camp Dennen closed. We both somehow listened to something we didn't even understand and God blessed us. I see people going through life thinking that life is great and all the while I know how much more life can bring. I can see myself as I meandered through life grabbing all that it had to offer. I taught school and had success, I was a father, a husband, a church leader and I thought life was good. It was but so much more awaited me. Thank God.

The Birthday Singer

Today is Marsha's birthday. Indeed she was the birthday singer. I knew people who ran toward Marsha when it was their birthday and those who would run away given the same situation. Like in the picture, Marsha at times had spontaneous flamboyance response. Singing happy birthday to people in her way was one of them. She was a hoot to live with in so many ways. Last Sunday I accepted an invitation to play golf with one of the men at my parish. We had played golf one other time in a group of four but this time it was just the two of us. Little did I know that it was going to be on Marsha's birthday, that just happened, and I also did not remember at that moment that he had lost his wife of 46 years just two days before me. We had a wonderful day of golf together, but we also really talked and that was even more wonderful. Like Jethro Gibbs I do not believe in coincidences. I could not have been in a better place to remember Marsha on her birthday and listen to another man share his same deep love for the woman he lost in March of 2009. Say what you will, I know God put us together today. I could not miss another example of the hand of God working to meet my needs as I grieve this great loss. I spoke this morning about the way God provided for me as I came to this place in Myrtle Beach not expecting Marsha's illness and death. At home again I've been thanking God for His unfailing provision even as I go forward in life after Marsha. She is still here in many ways, this birthday singer, but I miss her voice today again as I remember her. God is good, and his second greatest good to me was giving me Marsha. Happy birthday babe.

Preaching

My rector is away for the next couple of Sundays which means I get a chance to preach for two weeks in a row. I love to preach because it is always an experience of grace for me. I don't focus on anything for me, but the preparation and execution of a sermon always brings grace to me. Sometimes it is the message itself. God gives me a message I need to hear and asks me to share it with others. Sometimes it is the feeling of God's presence working through me as I preach, it feels like an overdose of power beyond my control. I don't often know the results that might happen from a sermon. It brings to mind Jesus speaking about the Holy Spirit comparing it to the wind. "We know not where it comes from or where it is going." I'm so glad I don't have to worry about the results. I need to be obedient as best I can to the word God gives me and leave the rest to Him. If I had to worry about the results than I think I would be frozen in church waiting forever for something to come out of my mouth. Preaching is great because often I feel like an observer as God acts. I know the words are coming out of my mouth but at the same time it seems like I'm just watching God do His thing. That's why it is always a grace to me. God always shows up, always touches me, always delivers even through my weakness. Thank God for that.

Nice Week

I've been reflecting on this week. You might know that I had my mother and other family members here this week. I had spent many years living at a distance from my biological family. I always felt a part of Marsha's biological family so it wasn't as if I lacked family, but I always felt a little void that my family was so spread around and we saw each other so infrequently. Myrtle Beach has been a blessing not just because I love golf and the beach, but also because it was a favorite place for my golfing older brother. Although he didn't own property here, he had come here for many years for golfing excursions. It has felt really good to feel connected to my family again. This week I spent time with all three of my brothers sons and their families. I loved being an uncle to my nephews and nieces on Marsha's side of the family, but didn't have that opportunity with my side of the family. This week a had a chance to be a great uncle to my brothers grandchildren and it made me feel like I did when I had all those nephews and nieces around me years ago. I know families can be challenging, but they remain a central part of who we are. I love being included with my family again. I loved being an accepted part of Marsha's family. I thank God for these blessings in my life.

Another Birthday

I look at pictures from way back then and I hardly recognize the guy in the pictures. I have always lived with a worldview that life gets better and better if you let it and make the right choices. Some folks have a glass half empty viewpoint and no matter what you see in their lives that is good they miss it. I expect life to be good and it is. Not that life hasn't brought it's share of sorrows and concerns, but even those, if you try, you can find some good in it. As I've got older my body has changed from a skinny kid to a strong adult to an overweight priest to a relatively trim retired golfer, my physical self has changed through the years. I went from a smart underachieving kid, to a broken young man who felt like he had ruined his life, to an atheist school teacher, to a successful graduate student to a the privilege of priesthood, I also changed in attitude and character. I've been blessed with great companions on the way, from high school, especially Pete, to college, to teaching friends, family, my Camp Dennen family and the various parishioners I've been blessed to share my life with, good friends really help. And then there was always Marsha it seemed. It's funny how once in college on a dare a couple of us after a few beverages had our heads shaved. Marsha was in all my classes and thought I was so ugly with a bald head. She dated and married me after my hair grew back never knowing that I would lose it for good in years to come. She never wanted to marry a bald guy but I think we did all right together. I don't know what is to come, so much has changed in a year and yet God still gives me great companions for my journey and so many things to look forward to each day. I may not recognize me in the mirror but I'm OK, God still holds me in the palm of his hands and know me inside and out, even the number of hairs on my head. I might change but God's love and grace remains the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, so next year is going to be great, I'm sure of it.