A Small Change Big Effect

Marsha and I had routines in life like most people. I got up and made the coffee and when Marsha got up I was wide awake and had the breakfast duty for her, When I came home everything stopped and we would just talk about the day. We had so many little ways are lives worked together. One almost constant reality was that after dinner we would turn on the TV and watch Law and Order or NCIS reruns. Marsha would fall sleep in less than a half hour and I would sit there watching TV alone the rest of the night. Often when I tried to wake her for bed she would just roll over and stay on the coach until sometime in the middle of the night. I would go to sleep alone at nine and I still do.

Things are on the surface not much different now except there is no sleeping body on the coach while I watch TV or go to sleep, but it feels very different. My most difficult time of the day is most certainly night time. The rest of life works pretty easily and the memories are good and wonderful and make life better. Evenings are a different experience. Although she didn't make any noise the house seems too quiet. Although I have on the same TV and I even listen louder than Marsha would allow it is still too quiet. It is not all bad. I do think I should miss her and that is the time I am most aware of what I've lost and what I miss. I would never have thought that loneliness could be a gift but in a strange way it is.